Whats worse?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by luvalwayz, Sep 4, 2009.

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  1. luvalwayz

    luvalwayz Member

    The one thing that will always hold me back from acting out on my feelings is the thought of how my friends and family would react. I've always considered it a selfish act, even to this day when I'm suffering from these feelings as well.
    Lately I've been more reckless with my behavior.. I wander off drunk by myself in the woods. I'm a short girl, and I'd have more of a chance of someone hurting me than me hurting myself. And my family could have peace of mind knowing that it was a stranger's fault and not mine. Is it worse to just act out yourself, or put yourself in a situation where someone could to do it for you?

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    wreckless in your behavior .... due to drinking which allows the courage SOMETIMES to do things we dont normaly have the guts to do. it adds to the depressed, sad, angery state.

    whats going on ?
  3. luvalwayz

    luvalwayz Member

    I've been very unhappy lately. Part of me has always been a little unhappy but I always hide it..I don't like to show vulnerability or emotion. I started taking a medication and I don't know if these feelings have intensified because of it or because I really am feeling down. Basically I feel that know one in my life really values me.. and I want everyone to realize the hurt I've been feeling.

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    what proof do you have that no one values you ?
  5. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    You mentioned that you feel no one values you.

    Often times I will see peoples threads on here where they echo similar statements. I am not loved, or valued or whatever the case may be.

    And boy, do I know how you feel. Because I felt the same way. All of us who are or have been suicidal will feel that way in once sense or another.

    But what I try to focus on today, is something you should try and focus on as well. And that is, finding value in yourself.

    Right now....you need only think of yourself. Who cares what others think of you?

    I know we all want to feel like we belong and our loved, but you belong here and are loved here.

    So....now is the time to focus on YOU.

    Now is the time to ask, what can I do to make myself happy?

    And if you can't even begin to think that, then think of what kinds of things make me happy? Ice Cream, Movies, Walks, talking to friends, etc.

    Anf if you can't even begin to think of that either, then ask yourselve, what would you need to be happy. And no fair in answering, to be valued by others. Because that is your trigger.

    That would be like me saying, I could be happy if only I had a beer! (I am an alcoholic)

    So....time to do some "you" work.

    And we can help you with that, if you want.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi luvalways

    ''Lately I've been more reckless with my behavior..''

    I can completely relate to this. I went through a rough time last year and found myself doing things I usually wouldn't even dream of. All I can see, is please seek help now before it's too late. Drinking will worsen your depression too. I'm always around if you feel like chatting :) Take care.
  7. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    its not easy to express how you feel always... but its important to express yourself. starting medication is also never easy. people value you, just sometimes its hard to see.
  8. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    Do you smile when you're drunk in the woods?
  9. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    the hell?
  10. luvalwayz

    luvalwayz Member

    ForPetesSake...wow, thank you. That was definitely a boost I needed. I also read your post and I think it's great you can offer so much comfort to those of us that are hurting.

    I have a lot of "me" work to do. I strive to do that but I guess some days I have relapses...just like cancer its a disease that's hard to fight off. I'm just tired of people saying they "care" and their actions show the complete opposite. I guess that's my proof. Why do people who are supposed to love you, value you, and care about you hurt you? I try to express myself but somehow it always blows up in my face because people are used to me being a doormat. Thanks everyone for the responses, this site makes me feel like I belong somewhere!

    P.S. No, I don't smile in the woods..?
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