I could write for hours about this, but I will just keep it at a basic summary. I am 18 and turning 19 in January and I am a 10th grader. Before I get to the mental issues, I want to mention the school stuff. I dropped out in 2010 due to the work being way too hard. It still is. I just started here and already have no idea what I am doing. My brain is constantly clouded and it is very hard for me to focus. I break out of my mind and stare off into space during class. Most of that caused me to drop out of school originally. Now, to the mental issues. Most of this started in 2010, when my irresponsible and mentally abusive father let me leave school and stay home for 3 years. My mental problems started with a combination of his mental abuse and him allowing us to do whatever. When I was 16 I first had sex and kept doing so dangerously, I did drugs and smokes Marijuana. I finally got back into school this year, and met some cool people and everyone is nice. It turns out that I also know some people here, like Tyler and Travis, who I was friends with long ago, Cameron and his sister are my cousins by marriage (My uncle troy married their mother), and Jesse who I had gone to school with back in Michigan Center. That bit slightly raised my very poor self esteem just a bit. But I still have other issues. I am a sociopath, and I constantly lie, manipulate and do other mentally cruel things unintentionally. I am a psychopath and I constantly think about hurting myself and doing other bad things. I was suicidal and still am. I just feel that my life is pointless and won’t lead anywhere, and I feel that people try to avoid me. Yes, I have some friends here and back in Springport, but many try to avoid me for some reason. (Bad Luck?). Back in November 2012 I was hospitalized because my gal bladder exploded and severely infected almost all of my insides in my upper chest. The doctor said I was very close to death and it was caught just in time right before It could've been fatal. I wish I would of died then so I did not have to deal with my mental state and pathetic life, but I did not. Alot of people who have a near death experience like this try to embrace life later, but not me. I got colder and my personality hardened. I just keep wanting to die. My life is meaningless, my life won’t go anywhere, I won’t graduate high school due to the poor education system that requires next to impossible mathematics courses, and my mind is going crazy. Apart from those, I still have just a couple more issues. I have Anxiety Issues and sometimes (At least once a day), I get Anxiety Attacks. When at school I pretend to go to the restroom only to freak out there, or at home I excuse myself to my room and freak out in there. I have no idea why. When I have them I can barely think, get really scared and can hardly breath. Why does this happen? As I said, I have no Idea why. I have sexuality issues. I am closeted bi-sexual. Nobody knows about it, except that my father and step brother have always suspected it, and my brother Daren is the only one to know because I told him. I have dated girls and boys before, and recently got out of a year long relationship with a guy. I dont see why that matters, but I put it anyways because I need help there too. I am very close to the edge, and simply just want to die. What should I do? I have been considering talking to the school counceler, but in past experiences I have no idea if I should trust someone from a school.