I feel like shit today, I'm crying and I just want to die. I hate my personality and no amount of medication will change that and I realize that now. I see commercials on the television with sad and lonely people but after they take this certain pill they feel happy and it's like a total personality change from society awkward weirdo to happy go lucky successful woman. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I went into therapy and started taking medicine thinking I'd be a brand new me, but the truth is I've always been like this. There was no happier cooler version or myself that all of a sudden got taken over by sadness and anxiety. I don't know how to be anything but a failure. I thought medicine would make me the person I always wanted and dreamed of being but I know that's not real and out of all the things in life that scare me, this realization scares me the most.