Whats wrong with me?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Hurted, Mar 23, 2008.

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  1. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    I dont know... I was thinking... I can cure my depression and social anxiety, but will this made me feel better?
    I am one fucked up 16 years old boy... Eating problems, depression, social anxiety, smoking, bad habits,...
    It would be so nice if i would just die...
    I dont know what is wrong with me... Do i have any other disorder? Or am i just crazy and should be locked in prison...? Since i remember i was fucked up...
    First thing is that i cant control my mind... I am thinking about strange things like having sex withsomeone who is ugly, like cutting my hand of, running naked through town... I just start thinking about strange and extremly weird things and i cant control it... Since i know i compare myself with others.... I dont feel comfortable and i never had... I talk with myself, speak with mirror, biting clothes (dont laugh please).... I mean i can hardly control them and once it came to my mind i have to do it, i hardly stop, i am totally fucked up,.. I also have to touch my body all the time (hands, knee),Why i cant be normal? Why? Why? Why? Just tell me... I am so lost... I cant change this... Why would i even try not to cut and beat depression if i cant control myself? Since i know i have been doing strange things... I live in my own world... I dont know if I know what is reality and what not... My opinion swings all the time and it makes me totally cunfused...Everything i do is not normal, nobody acts like me, its not strange that people call me weirdo... I cant control it really... I dont know... First i do something and i think its cool, great etc., but then few hourse latter i cant beleive that i done this and i start thinking what people would think about me...

    Edited: What i hate most about myself is that i think so much... Alll the time i feel like i have no control... sometimes i spent hours for thinking about totally unimportnat things like how some movie was recorded, or how was john f. kennedy felt before he was shot etc. I dont know... my thinking is dirty and i am bad person:(
    Does there exist anything to help me? Or should i try to make me so depressed that i would be able to kill me? And no, i am not seeking for attention with this suicide thinking, i already told that there is no chance at the moment that i would kill myself(althought i wish that there would be)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 23, 2008
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Sweetie stupid same old same old question but do take any meds, are you seeing a doc or pdoc about these things? You are struggling with so much and all alone. And it's a horrible cycle, the more you worry and think the more you hurt. And your depression can only keep you down if you dont get help. Try to prioritize your problems. Make yourself a list and then sit and see if there is not one thing you could try for each one to help ease the emotional pain ( besides suicide). Take things one day at a time so to speak. One problem at a time. Sounds like you may be obsessive compulsive. Treatable with professional help hun. Please keep posting, dont try to battle all this on your own.
     
  3. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Thanks:hug:
    I will think about it...Yes, i do visit schrink and i do have obssesive compulsive disorder... But only now I realize that its not as mild as i thought it was...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 23, 2008
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