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What's wrong with me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sweetpea0, Aug 15, 2009.

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  1. sweetpea0

    sweetpea0 Well-Known Member

    I have been feeling suicidal a lot lately. I don't understand why I feel this way. I talked with my therapist yesterday and told her how I was feeling. She always lets me talk. I can say things to her that I can't to other people. I told her how suicidal I was. She asked me if I needed to go to the hospital. I told her no, all they do is hold you for 72 hrs and let you go. She knows I have a plan, but I haven't told her I have finalized it.

    You see, I haven't wanted to live for a long time. I believe August 31st will be the time. I tried to commit suicide on this day several years ago. I feel I didn't finish the job since I didn't die. The feelings are so strong. I can feel it pulling me toward death. I actually feel relief knowing that it's going to happen.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    You're tired hun. Tired to the soul. Of course you feel relief. It promises to end all the commotion and crap in your life. All the stuff that you have been battling and facing day after day for way too long now. And facing it alone. No different than someone that has worked overtime on an extremely important project. Evening rolls along and you finally get to lay down in bed, close your eyes and get some well deserved rest. Suicide to you is offering the same. You say maybe August 31. Well in the days before then, please look into some of the options that were offered in one of your other threads. Please hun think of you right now. I'm here to help anyway I can. Take it please!!

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    when i was released from the physc. ward at the end of june, i could honestly say i didnt know if i was happy that i was still alive or not.
    as i sit here and think about, i still cant honestly answer that.
    i also know there is always that possibliity that i might get in that mindset again.
    for now .... i know this, there are things i want, there is a higher level i want to be at. i have been at highs and lows. i know what it takes to attain both.

    i know if i put effort into it, the hard times right now wont last forever.
    at the very least, they will improve alittle bit.
    thats better than what it is now.

    the shrink i talked to last july, told me TALK TO PPL.

    find a way out. the only time we are failures is when we give up.

    for me, that will have to do for now. i dont know what tomorrow will bring. i do know, if i put out the effort to change myself and make an effort to fix what is ... IF the time should come where im in that mindset again ... maybe JUST MAYBE. i will be alot stronger this time. YOU JUST NEVER KNOW.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey sweetpeaO i am glad you have a great therapist that will let you talk and that will listen to you. You really should be honest with her and open so she can help you fully. I know you want to rest so do i i want all this to stop but i really don't want to hurt anyone left behind. Your therapist would be devastated if you went through with your plan. Think how she will blame herself. Why aug 31 why that day i don't think it is wise to set yourself to any date as each day will bring you a new chance to try again. Please stay here with us as you are important here and have so many friends here. Take care get the rest you need then get up and say a new day a new way of thinking iwill be happy today i will be hopeful even in saying it you will feel a difference. take care okay and tell your therapist everything.
  5. ozinuk

    ozinuk Well-Known Member

    Hi sweetpea0 there's nothing wrong with you like the rest of us here at SF we haven't got a problem the rest of the world does.:rolleyes:
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