whats wrong with me

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by total eclipse, Sep 22, 2009.

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  1. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I have been saying this all day what is wrong with me. I do not like not being in control. I need to have myself intact no dam tears. Yet they keep wanting to flow today why whydam it i don't want this.There is nothing wrong with me nothing i am just tired thats all. I don't want to feel this pain and i won't feel it whats wrong with me please i need this to go away please keep me in the present tense please i need to stay in control. ohhhh god i hate me when i am not in control i hate me so much when these dam tears try to come i want it to stop now. i demand it to stop now i am not in pain i am not there is nothing wrong with me i will say this a thousand times until the control is back i feel it working already there is nothing wrong there isn nothing nothing wrong.
     
  2. Young suicider

    Young suicider Well-Known Member

    Your acting like Mary :p LOL anyway What happened today,past?
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Too much i am okay i am in control i just need to stay present here thats all thanks for response i am okay now the pain has gon away i won.
     
  4. Young suicider

    Young suicider Well-Known Member

    So are you in the playoffs since you won?World Series here we come
     
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey hun, the tears are just your body's way of letting out a little of everything you are trying so hard to keep deep down. Everyone is allowed to lose control for a few seconds once in a while. Nothing wrong with you besides being a normal human being. Honest. Glad you won but you always have friends here for those times it feels like winning isnt going to come.
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Thanks i know this forum is very kind i just hate being not in control i get so afraid sometimes take care i hope you are staying well.
     
  7. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    Violet,

    We're not going to always been in control and you need to get okay with that. No one is always in control. There are times when we are very vulnerable, when we feel like a child, when we want to be held by someone more powerful and told it's all going to be okay. There's nothing wrong with feeling like this. Acknowledge it and go into it, then move on. I love being in control too, but when I became ill, I had to acknowledge the space I was in and become okay with it. I was still able to be a mother, able to take care of what I needed to take care of, but I acknowledged that at that moment, I didn't feel in control and I was able to do what I could and let go of what I couldn't. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Noone's able to have it together all the time.
     
  8. thanks but no i will not have someone hold me thatis not me i want and need control that way i know where things stand when i am in control then i am not her i am a somebody
     
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