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What's wrong with me?

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TreadingBlue

Well-Known Member
#1
So I used to be extremely depressed, suicidal at some points but never to the point where I actually went through with it. I sure as hell wanted to but I know I could never hurt the people who care about me that much.
That was until around January, I've been so happy. My happiness started when I left my best friend since kindergarten (freshman now) and since I've started smoking marijuana. The first couple of times I smoked I realized I shouldn't be living the life the way I was and that if I wanted to be happy then damnit I was going to be happy. So I see marijuana as a helper, totally support it. Even when I'm not smoking I feel great, I guess it's just made my head clearer. I have more friends than before, guys aren't toally ignoring me anymore and my family isn't constantly going to shit. But lately...I've been having mood swings. Really really bad ones. I don't know what's going on, I'll be fine one second and the next it's like my depression just came back and bitch slapped me. It's not often, mostly at night when I can't sleep. Am I bipolar? I rarely ever get mad, only really happy and sad.
I had one last night, it kind of scared me. I started crying, bawling even. I have no idea why though, it bothers me so much. Tears just wouldn't stop falling and then I went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I haven't cut myself in months, I don't know why I grabbed the knife. I just took it to the bathroom and put it on my neck and kept crying. I wasn't going to do anything with it but just knowing I picked it up is so frustrating. My friend texted me during that and she made me feel better, amazing actually about 15minutes after. What is wrong with me? There's nothing going on that should be making me feel this way
 

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#2
You fix is only temporary pot will take your mood all over the place and it can bring psychosis on I think you need better coping skill meds that will help your depression not harm you. Think about talking to your doctor okay get on something that will keep your moods stable hugs
 

TreadingBlue

Well-Known Member
#3
Thank you but I dont think there's anything wrong with weed, I guess I just mentioned it to explain better. I think it provided the boost I needed. But thank you so much for the reply, I've been thinking of telling my parents (so I can go to the doctor) but they don't know I was depressed at all so I'm kind of scared to do so.
 
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