Yesterday, a 'friend' invited me to go out to meet some of her friends. She knows I battle depression, she knows I have had a social phobia, she knows I'm trying with my all to get better. For all the three hours I was out with them, not once did they bother putting me in the conversation. They were all simply ignoring me and going on talking about things I had no idea about, because, hello, they were all friends and had had common experiences. Now you'll say, why didn't I take the initiative myself and talk? Because even when I TRIED to - because, I swear to God, I did try to, they would either ignore my comment or maybe, if I was lucky, someone would say "Oh right" or "Oh" or "Yeah" (what a wide range of vocabulary). The worst part was when they were all laughing for about 30 minutes and I had no idea what they were laughing about, so I just stood there with a slight, fake smile looking at them laughing their head off. Result? I came home feeling completely ignored, unwanted, invisible, and I went back to cutting again. No, it's not yet over. Today, I had agreed to go out on what at first seemed like a date with a guy from my university. After about 20 texts trying to decide where to meet and when to go, he texts me and asks if it's okay to bring a friend with him. Shocked, and unable to do otherwise, I told him it's okay. We agreed on a time and place, and I went there on my own a little earlier because I had to buy some things. I made a friend come with me, and the whole time I was panicking on how to act and what to say because I really like this guy. After being late for about 30 minutes, he calls me and says he won't be able to make it after all, something about not finding the right bus etcetera. Is it my fault that I can't understand what the hell goes on with people's minds these days? I feel utterly broken and shattered, and all the progress I've made is gone for good. Because, what hurts the most, is when you put so much effort in making yourself feel better, and it's like the whole world insists you stay locked in hell.