What's wrong??

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by ariel2013, Sep 12, 2010.

  1. ariel2013

    ariel2013 Member

    Hey guys. I think I have a problem. I'm not sure if its me or him or what. It seems like I'm never happy for long in my relationship. Like one day I think he is the one and I love him. And then the rest of the week I end up resenting him. I get aggravated so easy and we fight a lot over little things. Well I'm usually the one that fighting but the only reason I really fight with him is because he will reassure me of his love and is sweeter to me when I am mad. I really don't want to be mad 24 7 for him to be sweet to me. I guess I need constant reassurance of love so maybe it is me. But he is very blunt person and can say hurtful things just because he is thinking it. He also has no common sence and that makes me even more mad. And he doesn't call me as much as I want him to. He might call me once or twice a day. And we don't hang out much. We go to the same College and are in the same program and he is a class ahead of me. That helps me a lot so I guess I have been staying with him for convenience. But I don't know. I wish my grandma was still alive to tell me what to do. I think I need a psychic. Any thoughts?

    P.S. - I want a guy that I can look at everyday that gives me feelings of love and security. I want to look up to him and respect him fully. I want to know that he is always going to be there for me and never intentionally hurt me. Is that even possible to feel like that towards someone??
  2. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    Just tell him how you feel. But I would say that calling two times a day sounds pretty reasonable to me. Just tell him you want to hang out more. Go on dates, go see a movie together, invite him back to your dorm to just snuggle and watch tv. Men aren't mind readers. If you don't say we don't do it.
  3. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Sounds to me like borderline personality disorder. The rapid changes in feelings toward him from love to hate are entirely typical of this ("idealization and devaluation episodes"). Fighting over small things that are excessively important to you at the time is also normal for it ("splitting").

    I suggest you seek psychiatric help. In the meantime, whenever you want to start quarreling, slow down, count backwards from 10, and ask yourself, "is this worth fighting over? Is this really as important as it seems right now or am I overreacting?" Hopefully you can use your logic to override your emotions and see that it's not worth fighting over.

    Also, just tell him that you need more attention, more validation, more sweetness from him. If you're feeling worthless a little outside help goes a long way.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder Read this for some more information.
  4. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    When I first heard about BPD, I thought "THIS IS ME!"
  5. ariel2013

    ariel2013 Member

    Thank you all!!

    O yes. This sounds like me. I always say I need therapy. I have 12 free therapy sessions per semester but I'm too ashamed to go.. I really need to thought. We had a talk today about our fights and how we don't communicate well. Surprisingly he initiated it. I feel like things might be better now because the mood and state of mind with him now is more calm since he initiated the talk and seemed like he cared. I'm worried this will not last long. However we will see.
  6. Hanpan

    Hanpan Member

    Just keep the communication open. People aren't mind readers, sometimes it's not enough to hint that you want something you need to say that you want it and there's nothing wrong with that. You will have arguments and fights. That's normal and healthy in a relationship. Just remember that resentment grows when you keep your feeling to yourself.