What's your damage???

Just trying to find out whether y'all are suffering from an "incident-based" suicidalness, or general malaise. Mine was incident-based, but I find that many people here have general depression, which can be harder to handle in certain ways...just a question

 

i worst saw my mom smokin meth once and try to kill herself once. ah two childhood memories burned in my memory. ha it was funny we came home and she was passed out drunk next to the heater with the gas going, when i asked "what are you doin?" she said "oh, oh tryin to relight the piolet light...". lol.
theres a long list of shit i feel fucked me up mentally but i wont bore you.


weorst ofg all nmy kweyboards brokwe

edit: i wasnt trying to make this thread about me, if i did, sorry. just sharing some incidents that have affected me.

 

I seam to be in both catergories.. I was born with asperger syndrome, which led into depressive episodes which became my general life... many incidents will trigger me though, but sometimes I dont need any incident to be right down in the dumps.

 

In all honestly I'd like to think it is the latter, but I'm beginning to suspect it is the former. In particular I am destroying myself professionally for no reason I can figure. And this sets off some deeply suicidal thoughts. It sounds almost trite to say that if I could break myself of four or five bad habits I'd cease being suicidal but that is rather reluctantly where my thinking is taking me lately. At one time I'd have gotten very upset at anyone who'd suggested such a thing. In retrospect it is almost embarassing how I'd buy into the whole I'm such a deep thinker, such a tortured artiste, so misunderstood by the world at large way of thinking.

 

I dunno if one would call mine a depression

but the thing is . . i feel worthless and alone
and yet i HATE sympathy and hugs and pep talks and the like 'n' whatnot
so i tend to be anti-social

i'm weak but i don't like that being emphasized.

in other words . . . I'm destroying myself, it's not the society that's fucked up.
. . it's me . .

 

Abused as a kid, and bullied at school - not really surprising I'm messed up

 

:laugh: I've to say I was guilty of the same thing.

As to the question...I'd say everything is linked to my family and my past. Not exactly one 'incident' but a whole mess of year after year after year after year. This is very very difficult to untangle.
Last year was very traumatic for me which was an additional thing that triggered a lot of feelings and things that I've buried.

And of course certain incidents throw me into a real state recently because of feeling so fragile because of the above reasons.