What's your perception of a suicide victim?

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by yada, Nov 6, 2006.

  1. yada

    yada Well-Known Member

    For those of you who had a friend or relative commit suicide, what did you initially think of them? Did you feel sorry for them? Angry? Did you think they were a wuss who couldn't deal with their issues? Or did you think they were better now? Or???
     
  2. Flatliner

    Flatliner Guest

    Anger.
     
  3. yada

    yada Well-Known Member

    At who? Yourself? Or the person who committed suicide?
     
  4. yada

    yada Well-Known Member

    I should also ask... how has that opinion changed over time? And is the change due to your current situation?
     
  5. ero

    ero Member

    when my bofriend/friend killed himself, i first felt horrible. i was really sad and cried a lot. i felt like it was my fault. now two yars later, im just mad that he would do something like that to me.


    why do you ask?
     
  6. Flatliner

    Flatliner Guest

    Both

    Emotions went generally as follows: Numbness, devastation, sadness, bewilderment, overwhelming guilt and anger. Also followed by a sense of abandonment, failure to rationalise, and a warped sense of guilt and the need to be punished. Current situation is directly and indirectly as a result of the whole thing. Anger is the main product.
     
  7. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I haven't had anyone I know commit suicide. For those that have, I feel just so bad and sorry for them. I don't know if I could ever hate them, I can totally sympathize with the immense emotional pain they went through. If there is an afterlife, I hope that all of them have a one way ticket to heaven or whatever positive afterlife exists.
     
  8. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    I havent had anyone I know personally commit suicide, but I found the guy next door to me that committed suicide. I didnt know all his issues. That day was just surreal...But he made that decision. When I think about it..I get a little sad, but theres no anger at all.
     
  9. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I haven't had anyone I was really close to commit suicide, altho I did have a friends foster brother commit suicide, he killed himself in the cemetary. Also have a very very close friend and her father killed himself, and she said no matter how many times he beat her, she still loved him and it still effects her to this day if happend about 39-40 years ago.
     
  10. jessie

    jessie Member

    My sister's attitude right before she killed herself was it was either me or her, so I guess I should feel indebted. I don't. I feel like she has taken away my right to die by doing it first and upsetting everyone. Now if I kill myself I will be selfish and inconsiderate. So in answer to your original question I begrudge her for taking away my death, hate her for what she's done to other people but understand her for why she's done it. With a little bit of amazement that she managed it.
     
  11. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    I had two very close friends of mine kill themselves the first was over 15 years ago. I cried for about 10 minutes and that was it. Never spoke to anyone about it, never went to the funerals, I just pretended to myself that I didn't care. I even began to envy them, I was angry that they had gone and left me behind. So selfish of them.

    It's easy to get on with your life, you think nothing's wrong, but then a nice lass asks you out and just when you feel so happy cos life's so good it hits you... all the sorrow, the despair, the bitterness, the anger, the feelings of being a useless and bad person, hating a world that's unfair and uncaring, and worst of all knowing that such a nice normal person could ever understand. What else can you do but walk away? I guess I'm a haunted man.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 12, 2006
  12. Beret

    Beret Staff Alumni

    :sad: my moms boyfriend died a horrible death, inflicted by himself. I will never forget that day, he was in Spain, my mom in the US that day. All i feel is sadness and i wish there could have been anything my mom or myself could have done to save him. He was an amazing guy and my mom kept telling him to stay with his wife and his little children. Obviously he was in a lot of pain, and had stopped to take his lithium (staying in bed all day). Godge he was a great guy and my mom and myself always will keep him in good memory, but i still believe it was egoistic of him to take his life, leave my mom with a lot of pain and his wife with his billions of money he had.
     
  13. 2LOST2

    2LOST2 Well-Known Member

    In general, I think they were very unhappy ppl
    yes

    yes, at myself that i didnt see anything and at them that they give up...

    No. I think they were just desperate hopeless and lonely.

    I m atheist and i belvie there is nothing after dead so.. i think they just resign out of sthn precious.

    With time it just makes distance to the past events, makes emotions less intense, but that wont change significantly.


    when my fater did it i felt.. shocked sad terrified sad confused angry quilty sad hopeless pain... its all there all the time and i see him as a victime of his serious illness.
     
  14. ~Serendipity~

    ~Serendipity~ Active Member

    I loved my mom dearly ... she was my best mate and I thought, hers. I thought we had got through the worst and them wham!!! she was gone and it left us/me in a state of utter bewilderment, shock, numbness, then came anger, pain, guilt, blame then acceptance to a point ... I never once felt she was a wuss that couldnt deal with things ... in fact I felt she was a brave lady who fought her demons well for a long time ... I just wish so much that she had felt able to share how she felt, on a deeper level, with the people who loved her. I miss her so desperately that what she did has had an adverse twist of fate on me that I have feared happening all my life.

    I now feel I have stepped into her shoes ...
     
  15. Flatliner

    Flatliner Guest

    Serendipity - It's almost like you read my mind with that post. I could have written the very same sentence...."I now feel I have stepped into [his] shoes..."
     
  16. yada

    yada Well-Known Member

    Here's why I ask, and I didn't say this earlier as I expect it would've skewed the opinions ... As I ponder taking myself out still, one of the things holding me back is what people will think of me. I am very self-conscious, and don't want people to think of me as a wuss later on. No, I don't need or want to be remembered as a superhero. But I'd hate people to think I was a chicken who couldn't make it.

    But then again, maybe this isn't valid since perhaps I am a chicken??? :huh:
     
  17. silentsoul

    silentsoul Member

    No personal experience...just my own thoughts/feelings...

    that of someone who is extremely courageous suffering unsummountable intolerable pain... that of someone who believes they have run out of options/choices... I understand the pain of those left behind but I understand even more the pain of those who take their lives.
     
  18. LSD

    LSD Well-Known Member

    well my first thoughts even if i didn't know the person are jelousy cuz they were able to do something i haven't been able to do..- then start to think that they might suffer a lot - so i feel sorry--

    ~ then i try to think they are better now but i feel angry cuz they left me and then depresion again..
    and well its hard to express what i feel and i just end confused
     
  19. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    My eldest daughter's father killed himself when she was in early childhood. She never knew him and I didn't really know him all that well myself, as I only saw him when he was perfectly lucid and not in one of his horribly manic stages. I still regret not telling him of his fatherhood, not that it would have made his illness better, but just that it may have made a difference in his attitude toward himself... but it's too late now.:sad: He was in horrible emotional pain to take his own life and I can't blame him for it, but it was awfully hard on the survivors. His mom doesn't even want to know about her granddaughter (my eldest) because it brings up too much pain for her... especially since her husband did the same thing years ago. More than anyone could stand, I guess.:sad:

    I feel badly for people who kill themselves cause they've destroyed any chance of things getting better, even if they sincerely believe that things can NOT get better - that chance is always there unless you kill yourself. Then the chance no longer exists. I feel bad for the suicides but worse for the survivors who have to live with the guilt and sorrow and "what ifs" for the rest of their lives. It's a bad thing all around for everyone concerned.

    just my opinion,

    least
     
  20. BelovedDreamer

    BelovedDreamer Well-Known Member

    Sometimes (in my angry, fiercely sad and lonely little moments) I see it as weakness, sometimes as great strength. Mostly I just grieve and feel confusion. The people I have known who have or who have tried, they have been some of the best and most beautiful people I have known. They tended to be those people who just were hurt to much by what it meant for them to live. Some of them had faced things that were unimaginable, or were the victims of illnesses that stole their minds, sometimes both, either way, I think they did what they could with what they had. I do not fault them for it. I miss them and grieve for what was, and hope they have found oblivion or peace. It is not mine to judge their actions or motives, and berating the dead and the lost only wears at my own heart.