whats your story

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by nhunt, Sep 14, 2010.

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  1. nhunt

    nhunt Member

    i was just wondering what your story is. mine...is just pathetic. basically my parents are divorced, my father who i loathed on the outside(but actually forgave him a long time ago, just didn't tell him) died last year. my mother is depressed. my step father is depressed. my step sister must be crazy since her mother is dead. my brothers off in college. i'm in a private high school and have all the pressure saying do well and get into an ivy league college. i blame myself for my father's death...so does my mom...basically my family is just to complicated for me to understand let alone explain.
  2. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    My unrivalled brilliance isolates me...

  3. whoaaxxsamm

    whoaaxxsamm Well-Known Member

    I don't think anyone's story is pathetic.
    Depression, and other mental health disorders are not pathetic.
    They are challenging, but once we are able to push through the hard times, deep down, we will know we are the strongest people of all for having an extra ailment and still being able to live a happy life. We will have more appreciation aswell.

    My story is too long to write. There are many different factors, I'll just list some in point form.

    - Depression, Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder
    - Developmentally delayed sister; love her more than anything in the world, but it is hard for me to deal with because she cannot tell me she loves me, she won't come to me fore boy problems, I won't be able to send her off to College, and so much more.
    - My father was a drunk, and was very verbally abusive
    - I have been used for sex for a long time, I believe it's all I'm good for.
    - My family has left me; given up on me because I am too hard to handle.
    - I have no friends.
    - I am overweight and extremely ugly.
    - I have made a lot of mistakes in my life that I will never forget.
    - All the things people denied me as a child, because of my behaviour (BPD)
    - I have so much self hate
    - Most of the time, I don't know what I'm thinking, and can never translate it properly to words, or to paper.
    - I'm all alone in this world.

    This is not all that has effected me through out my life, but like I said, it would take too long to write my whole story. I don't know my whole story to tell you the truth. I just want to be happy, but I'm scared because I don't know what being genuinely happy feels like.

    - - Samantha
  4. nhunt

    nhunt Member

    man...that's pretty bad. and you're not only good for sex. that's ridiculous. you're a living intelligent human being. and don't listen to your father, he's too fucked up to say any contructive criticisms anyway, his criticisms are just plain bullshit. maybe...you should talk to your sister before it's too late. I wish i got to tell my father that i really do love him and that i did forgive me, but i was too late. Never wait...you'll just regret it. and you're not alone...a lot of people are like you... and you know what, i found out that appearance doesn't matter. in fact i'm someone who appreciates others for their personality. i hate those superficial fake plastic girls and boys who walk around like they're fucking royalty. don't hate yourself...work on it. try and find out something good about yourself. i can...the fact that you love your sister and want to her send her off to college shows how much you care about her. just step away from yourself for a minute...and tell me what you see when you look at yourself
  5. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    I don't really have a story as such.

    I grew up in a fairly good family. Started having problems at about 11 i think. I'm not really sure what went wrong with me to be honest. I guess for some reason i was depressed and being such a young age it stunted my mental growth and i couldn't really handle anything life threw at me so i was continually getting damaged.

    The fact that on paper my life looks good is a source of guilt for me. But a friend once said to me that mental illness does not discriminate. That made me feel a little less guilty because she was right, it can affect anyone no matter where you come from or your background.
  6. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    Hmmm this forum is littered with my threads with various bits and pieces of me so guess i should put it all into one post.

    -Mum died when i was 4
    -Got put into care as my dad didnt care
    -Got abused in every way shape and form when i was in care
    -Got addicted to heroin and crack for 9 years
    -Diagnosed as Bi-polar disorder and have severe anger issues
    -Have been to prison 14 times
    -Been sectioned many times
    -Watched my girlfriend overdose from heroin while she was pregnant
    -Seen far too many friends die from suicide and drugs

    Thats a basic version. Theirs also a lot of things i wont talk about or go into as they are too painful
  7. black orchid

    black orchid Well-Known Member

    :hug: hunni
  8. Blue_Sky

    Blue_Sky Well-Known Member

    Anxiety, panic attacks, depression, paranoia, I've been unable to speak to people my entire life other than a word or two, maybe a sentence. The worst of the storm is over, I'm just left picking up all the pieces and trying to put things back together. It's not gone, but I'm at a level where I can function and get by, there's still lots of situations I avoid and a lot I need to improve on. Dealing with the after affects of all this gets me down sometimes, no friends, no job, took me 2 years to finish 1 year of school. But you know I learned something from it, and everyone else will too with their problems. Every year I look back and I can see I am so much better now than how I was the previous year, I try to remind myself how I used to be when I think I'm going no where, I'm still not in a good position now, but in comparison I don't think I could ever feel as bad as I did when in the prime of all that. When I try to remember it, it feels like it happened in another life, or to quote a line from a novel by Thomas Hardy "feels like a lifetime ago and I've been dead in between." The only thing I regret is how many, many years I spent in hating life, hating myself, refusing to accept the way things are, contemplating suicide, planning it, researching methods, sleeping all the time, crying, praying only for death...if I even spent half that time thinking and researching ways I could of improved my life I'd be so much further along, part of me however refused to accept living so that wasn't a thought that occurred to me till I was 18 when I realized I was not going to kill myself and I might as well make an attempt at life since I've never really lived it.
  9. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    My story is way too long to type up..

    Let me see.. Hard to know where to start - I guess I'll just put facts.

    When I was very young I witnessed my father beating up and chasing my brother around, on a regular basis - my brother was who I was close to, he took care of me a lot... He is 13 years older than I am. Then my father kicked my mother and I out, as well as my brother, when I was 4 years old, and he got with the woman he was seeing on the side - he married her but a couple years ago they divorced.

    My father's side has nothing to do with me.. Most of my mother's side is very dysfunctional and treat each other like shit - they enjoy making each other miserable, and can't take it if the other is happy.

    When I was about 6 years old my mother got with a man, that she later married... We moved around alot because he owed money and had done illegal things. My step father started abusing me at that age, and by about 7 years old he started sexually abusing me, and over time it added up to sexual abuse, physical, mental, verbal, emotional and scare tactics. I had to live with that for several years.

    I had other abusers, one of which is in prison now (not for abusing me, but years later for abusing his grand daughter) That specific one messed with my head off and on from 12 years old upto around 20 - he'd actually screwed with my head so long that he got me to believe that he did nothing wrong, and that I needed him to survive. He used scare tactics and mind control things, with warped stuff to scare me into thinking there was no other way, and I had to have him to survive because of crazy shit; the end of the world, conspiracies, etc.

    I have no contact with my real father as he felt I was not good enough to brag about, so I wasn't good enough to be in his life. I cut complete contact as it did nothing but upset me.

    I have also been in abusive relationships - one was a very short term marriage.

    There are other things, but I don't really need to get into it.

    My mental issues are:

    Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
    Severe Major Depressive Disorder
    Anxiety Disorder
    OCD tendencies
    Rape Trauma Syndrome
    Borderline Personality Disorder
    Suicidal Ideation and Self Harm and suicidal tendencies (that was put in my file, I was listed as a major risk for suicide at one time, but no longer am listed as such)
    Chronic Insomnia
    Also Binge Eating Disorder and Anorexia tendencies
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 14, 2010
  10. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I've been depressed ever since high school, and it got severe after I graduated. It's been about three years since I've felt normal. These days the only thing that makes me feel alright is drugs or thinking about getting drugs. I wish I were dead constantly but have realized I'm not going to do it, so I'm just finding ways to get by every day. This is a great place to come and retain some sanity.
  11. nhunt

    nhunt Member

    yeah...i get what you people are saying. there's no doubt that your lives are much worse though...i'm the one who on the outside looks like i have a perfect family...but i really don't. makes me feel bad when i'm moaning and being depressed when i'm in a pretty good environment.
  12. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    You obviously didn't read my post then.
  13. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I didn't mean to make you feel like your pain and struggle did not matter, and I'm fairly sure no-one else meant that either. We all deserve support and we all have problems, including you. It is unfortunate that you feel bad, as it is that everyone does. Deserving support doesn't go by who had what happen - everyone deserves it. You shouldn't feel bad that you think your situation wasn't as bad. :hug:
  14. nhunt

    nhunt Member

    yeah sorry about that. its just this guilt thing i have going on. but thanks guys... this place is filled with crazy cool people haha
  15. vanish

    vanish Member

    my story isnt as rough as others and my heart goes out to all of you. ive been depressed for years and was lucky enough to get into a very loving relationship, which i inadvertently ran into the ground 3 years into it. now i live regretting ruining the relationship on top of all my other problems. Its nothing compared to others, but its enough for me to question my life.
  16. superted1999

    superted1999 Member

    my life has been of foster care age of 5 up until i was 18 im sure i was abused 2 not from my foster mum just sum 1 else in her family ive always kept it a seceret i have 2 wonderful kids who dont deserve me im male by the way and a newbie to here and i feel so alone and everything thats bad has happend in my life apart from my kids and now i just want to end it all
  17. superted1999

    superted1999 Member

    mum was a drunk beat me and my brothers and sisters we ran away got put into social care then i got seperated into a seperate family were i was seen as the foster kid was abused sexually by this person and hey presto well life can be a
  18. Matrias

    Matrias Active Member

    when i was about 7-8 i was told my leg isnt growing right and i hadto have an operation, for months i hadto revisit the hospital for tests/xrays, they ended up practically rebuilding part of my leg, after the operation i was happier bcus i thought it was all over, bout a month after i had left and was recouvering i was told i hadto go back under the knife to remove bolts n stuff screwed in me.

    i remember being 9 or so in bed crying and begging god to kill me. only in the last couple years ive started to remember alot of this.

    more recently my leg has been twitchy (the bad one) which is whats had me seriously thinking back and remembering all this stuff ive either forgot or repressed, ive become needle/surgery phobic ever since hospital. they kept fking up my needles and stuff.

    Im not great looking and overweight, and im lonely, depressed and unemployed along with the rest of it. which is why im here. theres abit more but ill go into it another time.
  19. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member


    I am here for somewhat different reasons than most of you seem to have. My childhood was difficult, but certainly not extraordinarily so. No abuse or deaths in the immediate family.

    My problem is sleep deprivation due to DSPS (delayed sleep phase). It just means I have extreme difficulty falling asleep before 4-5am or so. Over a period of 15 years it has worn on me. When any additional stress or anxiety is added from other factors, the problems increase exponentially. Insomnia from stress/anxiety/external factors + the general DSPS sleep deprivation + a bit of depression = me wondering how much longer I can tolerate this. Right now all I want to do is go to sleep and never wake up.
  20. littlered1976

    littlered1976 Member

    Mother alcoholic now dead
    Father binge drinker now living far away
    Me..... I hate myself
    Still living with x for 8 years, now he';s got a new girlfriend and I wnat to die
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