When a Star's Light Fades

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by denistar, May 24, 2010.

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  1. denistar

    denistar Active Member

    Hello everyone. I'm Denise from the Philippines.

    I was feeling really suicidal for the past weeks and was looking for a place to receive, and of course give, support. I don't really know how to explain to my family, boyfriend, and friends about the way I've been feeling. I've been feeling quite alone and isolated.

    When I'm not suicidal or depressed, I'm quite a fun person to be with. Friends come to me for support and advice, and I do my best to support them to the best of my capabilities and abilities. I'm a writer. I read a lot. (Recently been reading Sue Grafton novels.) I cook and bake pretty well. I like the outdoors, especially the beach. I'm a running fanatic and have plans to run a half mary in September and a full mary in January 2011. I do Yoga and Pilates whenever I can. I eat pretty healthy, though I do indulge myself sometimes.

    All this healthy living is my way of coping with my eating disorders. I suffered from anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive exercise for over 4 years in varying degrees. I've been in recovery for 3 years now and so far, it's been good. It's always in the back of my mind, wanting to give in and relapse, but I've managed to catch myself in the beginning stages, before anything got out of hand.

    People in my life don't really understand what I'm going through and what I'm feeling. And it takes too much mental and emotional energy to explain and make them understand. I try but for the most part, they think I'm overreacting to problems, or that I'm being too emotional. I'm tired of feeling like I'm wasting their time. So now, I just keep to myself.

    I was in therapy for a couple of months but I find it really hard to explain to my therapist all the things I've been feeling. Everything is so systematic with my doctor and I'm just bursting to let things out. I want to get to the bottom of things, but sometimes, you just want to vent, you know? So now, I've stopped scheduling sessions. I want to go back, but I feel like it's going to be the same.

    Well, anyway, so much for my introduction. I've already started venting. But thanks for reading. Hope to get to know people more during my stay here.
  2. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum :hug:
  3. denistar

    denistar Active Member

    Thanks Mike. =D
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF. Congrats on your success in fighting off your eating disorders. I hope you find the support you need here. :hug:
  5. MadeOfGlass

    MadeOfGlass Well-Known Member

    Pretty much what mike and gentle said. Welcome to the forum, I personally think it's great and has helped me bunches. Congrats on overcoming your eating disorders as well. Btw, I'm Sarah. :shake:
  6. denistar

    denistar Active Member

    Thanks gentle and Sarah. Everyday is a struggle (with the EDs) but it can be done. Though sometimes you just need others who understand, you know? I really do hope to build friendships here. I was reading through the thread titles and I can already relate.
  7. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum, like it has already been said well done for have control over your ED's, it requires a strong mind to do that. I hope you find what your looking for here
  8. denistar

    denistar Active Member

    Thank you so much for the welcome. =D
  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi welcome i would think it would help to call your therapist and let him know your need to just vent a bit then go back into his sessions therapist need direction too sometimes and with your feed back they will know what route to take. i hope you can call him and get back into therapy take care
  10. denistar

    denistar Active Member

    I guess the reason I don't say anything to him is I feel guilty about taking up his time. I have free counseling and I think it's bad enough to take up his time without giving him anything in return. Maybe I will try to talk to him about needing to vent sometimes.

  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the Forums Denise!! I wish I had half your energy.. My depression takes me down the other road of lack of motivation.. Well done for your ED's and sticking with your workout regimine..Take care!!
  12. denistar

    denistar Active Member

    Thanks Joseph. Things have been going downhill. Not much energy here. But I will start running again. It's the one thing that keeps me sane. It gives me a goal.

    I hope you're doing well. =D
  13. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You give him something in return by going there by letting therapist help you that is all he or she wants It does not matter if it is free or not they just want to help and if you are open to them they will know where the help is needed. I too often feel i am waisting my t time but i know he helps in ways others cannot see or hear. the therapist are trained to hear and see and in different approaches to help us
  14. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    He is being payed, just not necessarily by you! :biggrin:
  15. denistar

    denistar Active Member

    Hehehe. No. It's really free dude. :cool: Not paid by insurance, my parents, or anyone. It's really free. Teehee.

    My therapist is my uncle. I don't know if any of you are cool with talking to a relative but he's a cool guy. He's very professional. And at least he won't find it hard to talk to my parents if the need arises. :blink:
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