when all hope is gone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by crazyknight, Oct 1, 2009.

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  1. crazyknight

    crazyknight New Member

    Ive never told people how suicide has always been on mind i guess i dont want to trouble them, I have few friends by choice because in the past people have used and betrayed me, i dont have any parents as they abandoned me along time ago, so when i get depressed i havt to rely on myself - its a kind of struggle, one side wanting to end it all and the other trying to justify hanging on one more day, im writting here because the last few days have really been hard on me, I fear that soon i will just end it all, i dont want to bother people around me so i guess this forum is a good place to finally tell people how i feel. Im not out for attention as ive never told anyone my suicidal thoughts before around me,i havnt even told my pycologist who i see on a regular basis. When i do go it'll prob be overdose as i hate the sight of blood, i hate heights, i dont like the water and i dont have a gun. At least this message will be here, Theres nothing i havnt tried to overcome these feelings but in the end the same thing happens, the feelings of being worthless, ugly , and a nobody flood back in such an overpowering way that its very very hard to fight back, and tomorrow is a bad day for me as i havt to go to work experiene and i Know the people there will hate me and treat me different because i spoke out about their work practices, if that happens then that'll be the final battle. Please take care and thankyou for reading my message.
  2. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hello Scott,

    I'm sorry you're feeling so bad - and having a potentially bad situation to face tomorrow obviously is making it all worse. I guess knowing that it's work experience means it's only a temporary thing and if you can weather it you'll be ok (and in fact maybe they won't be so hard on you after all!)

    You don't say why you are and have been feeling suicidal - are there specific reasons you might want to talk about? (I can see from your post lots of reasons to feel bad, but how come you're so at the end of the line?) The fact that you've not told anyone at all about this but are willing to tell people here is a good sign - please talk some more about your situation, there are lots of people here who will understand.

    I wonder why you haven't spoken to your psychologist about it? That's what they are there for, to help (in theory anyway!)

    Hope tomorrow goes infinitely better than you are expecting!

  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm glad you posted here. Sometimes it can help just to have people to talk to that won't judge you, people who understand where you're coming from.

    Why do you feel so bad, is there a particular reason?

    Hope you'll post some more; feel free to PM me if you ever feel like talking.
  4. chooselife

    chooselife Well-Known Member

    Hi there,

    Sorry to hear that you are experiencing this pain. If you don't mine I'd like to let you in on a few things which may help. I have been where you are, in fact I even went so far as to attempt suicide but was found at the last minute.

    Unfortunately, I did not get the help I needed prior to because I never really reached out to anyone. Well actually I did a couple of people (not professionals) but I don't think they realized the extent of my pain.

    The important thing I learned was to get it out there. I feel that the reason I went so far as to attempt suicide was because I eventually imploded. I kept a lot of my pain inside, like you, so as not to bother people. When I came home from the asylum I had umpteen message on my voicemail from friends who had gotten word of my incident. Everyone of them said "Why didn't you talk to us?"

    True friends will be there for you. They might not understand, but they will be there. It is soooo important to get this out! especially to your Psychologist, that's why he/she is there, to help you through this. If you suppress this, keep it hidden, it wont go away. It'll just keep coming back to haunt you every so often. There are medications to help deter these thoughts. Do you know why you have these thought? If you do, work at what is causing them. If you do not it is most probably a chemical imbalance. Millions of people have it, it is nothing to be ashamed of.

    So, my thoughts are that you TALK TO PEOPLE about this because you do not want to implode...Especially your Psychologist. I wouldn't worry too much about what people think, if they judge you, discard you, that's their ignorance. This is about healing you. You can bet that those people who do judge have their own crap going on and are concealing it too. Nobody is perfect.

    Have you tried group therapy? for your confidence? It's hard at first, but all of the people within that circle are there for similar reasons you are, therefore they wont judge. It great for building self-esteem. Good Luck, and try to think of it as a challenge you can overcome and grow from.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hiya Scott, welcome to SF. I'm glad you found us. :shake:

    I think instead of bottling your thoughts up inside you need to tell someone what you're feeling. Please see a doctor or psych. They will help you, you won't feel so alone.
    Feel free to PM me :hug:
  6. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Hey Scott, welcome to SF. I'm glad you found us. here you can talk about whatever you feel and no one will judge you or feel bored by what you say, we're all here to help ya, hope you find what you're looking for :wink:

    It would be great if you could tell us what's bothering you these days, why do you feel so down?

    I'm always avaliable through PM, take care.
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