Ive never told people how suicide has always been on mind i guess i dont want to trouble them, I have few friends by choice because in the past people have used and betrayed me, i dont have any parents as they abandoned me along time ago, so when i get depressed i havt to rely on myself - its a kind of struggle, one side wanting to end it all and the other trying to justify hanging on one more day, im writting here because the last few days have really been hard on me, I fear that soon i will just end it all, i dont want to bother people around me so i guess this forum is a good place to finally tell people how i feel. Im not out for attention as ive never told anyone my suicidal thoughts before around me,i havnt even told my pycologist who i see on a regular basis. When i do go it'll prob be overdose as i hate the sight of blood, i hate heights, i dont like the water and i dont have a gun. At least this message will be here, Theres nothing i havnt tried to overcome these feelings but in the end the same thing happens, the feelings of being worthless, ugly , and a nobody flood back in such an overpowering way that its very very hard to fight back, and tomorrow is a bad day for me as i havt to go to work experiene and i Know the people there will hate me and treat me different because i spoke out about their work practices, if that happens then that'll be the final battle. Please take care and thankyou for reading my message.