When attempts fail...

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by lost_child, Oct 18, 2007.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I've taken many overdoses I didn't want to survive, I wanted to die, I wanted the pain, the emotional pain that I couldn't deal with to go.

    Without going into details, because of my overdoses I am now labelled..my GP records have suicide tendancies all over it, I have BPD all over it, Depression all over it, my kidneys although not serious have been damaged and I have to have tests every 3 months to see if they getting worse. My immune system is poor, I suffer with bad headaches, I have bad digestive problems and my stomach, sides always hurt. If I take even one headache pill, it does nothing for the pain. My mental health is shot to piecess.

    I am a danger to myself, when my emotions are at a state I can't cope with it, my answer is to run from people who can help and do it the only way I know, to take an overdose.

    I have seen my niece cry because she thought I was dead
    I have had the guilt trips from the shrink, the doctor about if just one attempt worked/s, then people will be distraught.
    I said they would get over it, but I haven't got over my uncle killing himself 20years ago when I was 8, so why do I think others will?

    I still get into a state that I contemplate suicide and act on it. No1 seems to understand the emotional pain where I can't escape, where everything closes in on me and I can't escape so how can I reach out? when I'm like that, any common sense goes out the window, so what should I do when I can't even think straight, and can't follow the basic commands.

    I was told recentely that many people who attempt suicide will survive BUT will try again and the percentage of them that will eventually die is high..does that mean, that I must as well close the book on even figthing the urges and next time just make sure I do the job properly.
  2. Jess_21

    Jess_21 Active Member

    I am sorry for the pain that you are in, i wish i could make it stop. People like to guilt trip you, in hopes that it will help, but it usualy fails because they forget to see that when your in that state all thought and caring goes out the window. I hope that you stay safe and i hope you feel better. :hug:
  3. Sephaus

    Sephaus Well-Known Member

    I can definitely relate with the turmoil you are suffering through. The only thing holding me back from another suicide attempt is the thought of destroying my parents. I know most parents just want their children to be happy, but I know longer know how to be happy, I've spent my life trying not to be a burden and abandoning my own happiness to make sure others were happy, and I've been slowly killing myself internally through that process. I just can't do that anymore, I feel so very tired of it, and just want to escape the misery. I'm very apprehensive about attempting suicide again, especially overdose, because the risk of survival is just too great, and I don't want to strain the relationship with my parents anymore than it already is by surviving a suicide attempt. I've been racking my brain trying to find a surefire method that I have access to that will end my existence.
    I wish you all the best and I hope you'll be able to surface above your overwhelming, internal strife.
  4. nowill2live

    nowill2live Member

    if you tried and you failed then that means God wants you to live. it hurts now but after the pain there is bliss. don't focus on the negative, I know it seems like everything is negative but focus on the positive.

    if you don't have anyone like me, you always have God to walk with, if it is emotional and physical pain like what I also go through then get away from that which causes you pain. I gurantee you that soon you will get your heart's desire if you hang on. for me I got the girl of my dreams, and even though once in a while I do battle the depression, she keeps me going.

    killing yourself won't solve anything, it's a permanant solution to a temporary problem. always remember that
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