I've taken many overdoses I didn't want to survive, I wanted to die, I wanted the pain, the emotional pain that I couldn't deal with to go. Without going into details, because of my overdoses I am now labelled..my GP records have suicide tendancies all over it, I have BPD all over it, Depression all over it, my kidneys although not serious have been damaged and I have to have tests every 3 months to see if they getting worse. My immune system is poor, I suffer with bad headaches, I have bad digestive problems and my stomach, sides always hurt. If I take even one headache pill, it does nothing for the pain. My mental health is shot to piecess. I am a danger to myself, when my emotions are at a state I can't cope with it, my answer is to run from people who can help and do it the only way I know, to take an overdose. I have seen my niece cry because she thought I was dead I have had the guilt trips from the shrink, the doctor about if just one attempt worked/s, then people will be distraught. I said they would get over it, but I haven't got over my uncle killing himself 20years ago when I was 8, so why do I think others will? I still get into a state that I contemplate suicide and act on it. No1 seems to understand the emotional pain where I can't escape, where everything closes in on me and I can't escape so how can I reach out? when I'm like that, any common sense goes out the window, so what should I do when I can't even think straight, and can't follow the basic commands. I was told recentely that many people who attempt suicide will survive BUT will try again and the percentage of them that will eventually die is high..does that mean, that I must as well close the book on even figthing the urges and next time just make sure I do the job properly.