Years before Britney shaved her head, I remember cutting off all my hair when I was 16. Of course due to my first break -up. People didn't understand why she did what she did, but I understood more than anything. I remember feeling a bit free. Of course, days after, I was filled with regret. Anyhow, my hair never grew back as beautiful, thick, and as long as it was before. My mother has a way of making me feel self-conscious about it. My mom makes me feel self-conscious about things I never worried about before. I just can not stop crying the past few weeks. I cry uncontrollably. Cutting is the only thing that really helps at the moment. The stinging from the cuts momentarily makes me forget about the real pain. I need to stop calling my dad. He only hurts me. Today when the conversation got too heavy, he just hung up the phone. He hangs up on me a lot. He treats me like an ex-wife. It is so easy to hang up versus being a real parent. I best his wife and my half brother are happy when he hangs up on me. They have never really liked me. My father's mother even treats me like a step-grandchild. I have never met people so cold. I know my mom cares about me, but she isn't always nurturing. I remember being in a hospital once and I was in group therapy. I started crying uncontrollably and the nurse came over and hugged me and started crying too because she could relate to my situation. I remember wishing my mom could be like that nurse. I can't always be strong and I can't always turn off my feelings. Things are just so hard right now.... I can't sleep and I can't do anything. I used to love watching movies and I can't even do that anymore.