when death comforts you

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by LILICHIPIE, Jan 16, 2008.

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  1. LILICHIPIE

    LILICHIPIE Well-Known Member

    I don't know why suicide is portrayed as such a bad thing in our culture, other than the fact that it's wrong in so many people's religious beliefs/convictions. A cowards way out? Maybe so, but I've really been thinking that maybe it is an answer and a solution because I am simply tired of trying to scrape the very bottom of my life in a futile attempt to find some kind of reason for waking up everyday. I have always had a really hard time connecting to people emotionally and personally, so my life has been plagued with a certain, almost unusual amount of solitude from the very beginning. I am beginning to ponder if I can ever find a place in society and life.

    I have never been really close to people. I don't mind that as much as this suffocating feeling that I have been experiencing ever since the end of my first and only relationship last year. That wouldn't be the reason why I would kill myself, but... I just feel so empty and like a sense of wholeness within my deeper, inner being has been destroyed completely. I can't enjoy many of the things that I used to be able to enjoy anymore. And, in that sense, my eyes have been pried open to a certain harsh sense of existence and reality that I was somehow safe from before. Or rather I have become fully aware of the gravity of my situation. It is not something that I can just turn my head away from and look the other way because, believe me, I have tried. I really tried to turn things around and move in the other direction, but I have failed and things are not getting better.

    The only thing that really keeps me from doing it is the fact that it would hurt my father badly. he has already been through enough death in hiz lifetime, and he still has a certain amount of hope that I will turn out okay in the end, and I don't want to be the one who takes that away from him.... But, still.... I hate this... and even if things somehow get better, I don't see it happening for a long time, and so I have to ask myself how long I can endure this kind of pain.
    :dry:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 16, 2008
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    A coward's way out, far from it. I think of those like me that fight a hard battle each and every day just to be able to make it through the day. A battle that mentally healthy individuals could not even begin to imagine. It takes a great deal of courage to brave the pains and torments that plague individuals like me. It it takes even greater courage to be able to say, enough! and make that final decision. It also takes so much courage to be able to make that decision knowing all to well that the rest of society looks down on you for it.
     
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I don't think that suicide is a 'coward's way out' and I'm a mentally healthy person. I think that we were given life so that we could live and grow and learn from our experiences. I agree that mentally healthy people really can't imagine the hardships and struggles that depressed people live with, but I'm trying to understand. I've lived a pretty lonely existance for most of my life too. Spiritual people like myself generally go through life like that, because it's hard to relate to 'normal' people, who are just into partying and socializing. You two seem like two very nice women, and I hope that you both can find the inner strength to keep on going.
     
  4. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    Suicide is not a bad thing and people who say it is are the selfish ones. We all have a choices, some people dont like the colour blue so dont wear blue clothes...thats fine? Yet some people dont like life and wana die, thats not accepted? One's life has nohting to do with anyone else (unless ur real close to people!). I'm so pro-choice. I honestly believe that some of us just don't 'fit' :unsure:
     
  5. NJ_Snake

    NJ_Snake Member

    Whenever I feel I may be sinking and feel as if I may hurt myself, I think of my mother...she keeps me holding on, day by day.
     
  6. darling1974

    darling1974 Member

    The thing that has held me back in my worst moments has always been my cat, because I think of what she would do in the morning when I don't get up to feed her. And who would take care of her, and for that matter, how long would it take for anyone to find me??? morbid thoughts I know, but it goes with the territory. Kitty, not that she has any idea, has been quite a lifesaver. regarding cowardice though, I don't think suicide is a cowardly act. it's a choice. whether or not it's the right choice is the reason for such a forum as we are partaking in. There is a terrible sadness that comes to me when I think of taking my life, usually because I think of how other people would feel about it, that they would be caught unawares, and saddened, and this in turn makes me feel badly about wanting to end my time alive, so, is it about me or about those who know me?? This brings up an interesting question as well: who am I living for? As ontological as this may be, the reality is that Kitty,and more specifically, her dependence on my care, is a significant reason for my continued existence. very thankful for her in that respect.
     
  7. Resolutionary

    Resolutionary Member

    yes, think about your poor father...
     
  8. nedflanders

    nedflanders Well-Known Member

    Easy. Only living people get to define our culture.
     
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