When do bad habits become abuse?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Hurted, Nov 19, 2011.

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  1. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Lately i've been thinking a lot about this. It's not hard to recognise severe forms of abuse as it is clear that it has done damage to a child. But no parent is perfect and everyone does from a time to time something that could be considered as a abusive behaviour. What i wonder is where is the line between bad parenting and minor or moderate abuse? I remember my mother doing a lot of things that are considered as abusive on daily basis(name calling, shaming, guilt trips, threats, screaming, putting me down etc.) and yet at the same time she was a great mother most of the time. For example, she came home from job and spent a few hours reading me books, taking care of me, than i would do something and make her angry and she would scream or slap me or saying she hates me for some time or that she regrets that she gave birth to me, but soon after that she would come to my room, apologise and tell me she loves me and she didn't mean it seriously. The rest of the day would be spent normally, with me feeling loved and not depressed or something, at least most of the time.
    I was an extremely spoiled child growing with single mother. Only at the age of 19 i started becoming more independent, doing basic things that i should have start doing much earlier. The reason why i'm asking this is because i have a hard time belivieng i was abused. How is it possible to feel loved as child, to being completely spoiled and at the same time abused?
    My best friend is victim of severe abuse by alcoholic mother and i know what it means to be severely abused and i know what severe damage abuse like that can cause. That's just another reason why i find it hard to consider myself as a victim of abuse - compared to her's, my childhood was perfect.
    Your views on that?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    First hun one should not compare okay You were screamed out you were emotionally abused yes and it was bad parenting Your mother did not have the skills to cope being a single mom I am sure she never wanted to emotionally harm you but she did. Emotional abuse can last so much longer so please do not compare yourself with anyone okay. If it is affecting you lifestyle then get some therapy to help undue some of those msg given to you as a child hugs
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