When do I call it quits?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by fifa, Oct 24, 2008.

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  1. fifa

    fifa Member

    From the moment I wake up the pain begins. I fight waking life to no avail until anxiety wins over and I get up. I fear that if I don't get up and do the things I believe I need to do, life would get that much harder. I have to get up, I have to put on clothes and look "presentable" to the public. I should eat but most of the time that requires too much energy and often I don't find that mandatory. I have to get on my bike and peddle through human and vehicular traffic on my way to classes I have to attend. I have to pay attention though that seems to require more energy than I can gather and I get overly anxious as I fall behind in the lecture. I have to go to therapy once a week, which I do look forward to though it does remind me of how much I hate everything I've been writing about. I have to get back on my bike and peddle through more human and vehicular traffic to a job I have to have. I have to fill prescriptions for customers complaining about paying too much for the same medications I pay more for. I have to put up with angry customers demanding their pills and blaming me for problems due to faceless agencies. I have to get back on my bike and peddle through human and vehicular traffic back home where I have to do work for classes when I don't have the energy to figure out what I was earlier behind on. At this point I have to eat despite no appetite nor the energy to figure out a meal, otherwise the headaches turn to migranes. I have to take pills so that every little moment of every day I live is less painful and I become more detached from the world in which it pains me to live. Then I absolutely crave sleep, which is something I've been desiring all day long. I hope not to wake and endlessly dream. Waking life, moment by moment is painful and seems altogether pointless. Do I really have to do all these things? At what point do I call it quits?
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 24, 2008
  2. Robin

    Robin Guest

    There's always a point but that does not mean we are always able to perceive it, I think alot of what we suffer from is endurable and gives us a unique perspective on the world should we be able to focus our attention from inward to outward. I've seen some incrediblly compassionate people in my time and most if not all have suffered to some degree, sometimes the kindest act we can do for ourselves is to help another, who better to steer others from pain than those who share the same bed as suffering.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You need to see a shrink because from what you have said it sounds to me like seveere depression. Just a year or two ago I was like that. Even though I still suffer from depression I am able to function. Before all I did was lie there in bed and stare at the ceiling or watch the ceiling fan go round. I would force my self to get up and get something to eat. On the way back to my room my arms would feel like lead weights. So I would just about drop what I was carrying. I would have to run to my desk and sit it down. I lost so much weight I was back down to my highschool weight. Then my shrink would change my meds and I would blow back up like a pumpkin. So it can get better, you need to work with your shrink and find the right combination of meds. Also you need to tell your tharapist everything so she can do a proper profile on you. This helps her/him to set a treatment plan. If you are going to hold back and not tell all then you should quit going because you would be wasting her/his time and your time. Don't be afraid to talk with them. Hell my therapist even gets me to smile a little(I never smile) then she cracks up laughing at me. So please seek the help from professionals and you also will have all the support we can muster to help you!!!Take care!!~Joseph~
  4. Jooper62

    Jooper62 Well-Known Member

    You don't call it quits...Believe me I know where you are comming from..I am taking meds and seeing a therapist the first few sessions I wouldn't talk..than I got more comfortable over time with her and opened up more and that is helping me.. as for the purpose of life .when I help a stray animal off the road..helping someone.. that puts a smile on my face it helps me.:smile: Hope this helps.. just don't give up . Just keep fighing the depression things will come around.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 25, 2008
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