When Do You Have Suicidal Thoughts? What do think of?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by downunder, Jul 23, 2008.

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  1. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    Just wondering when people have suicidal thoughts. I find I have them on the train trip to and from work. I also had them after seeing the counsellor last Thursday, not going back to see her again.

    Today I was in a market discussion group, they were talking about lollies and I suddenly find myself, thinking about how I am going to do myself in.

    I start thinking about how I am going to do it, what my body will look like when its found etc. I also think of different methods and playing out scenerarios of getting caught in the act. It nearly happened once already.
  2. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    I think about it constantly. Plan and fantasise about it constantly. Planned every last aspect of it, written all my notes etc. But yeah, it often hits particularly hard when I see my psychologist and feel totally overwhelmed by how shite I am and how impossible it is going to be to change and be an acceptable human being.

    Why do you think that you think about being caught in the act? Do you ever imagine going through with it and being successful?
  3. zetaf

    zetaf Well-Known Member

    I seem to have them mostly after I spend any time with a girl... because 100% of the time it ends in failure to gain affection from her or.. i find out from someone else that they laughed at my expense and/or told someone that I had no chance in hell with them... even after my best efforts to be reasonable (not creepy) and kind to them.

    I also have them when I'm having withdrawals from drugs.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Downunder,
    I think about it everyday. After all the years of therapy It is still there just as strong as ever. The only difference is I am not acting upon it. Between my meds and therapy and seeing the doc every three months I maintain as best as I can.
    There are certain triggers that would put me over the edge. So I try very hard not to let that happen.
  5. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    All the time. But mostly like you, to and from work. Most of the time think about driving into oncoming traffic. It actually makes sense why it's always in the car for me. I never want to arrive. I never want to go back. I just constantly want to be in transition. Never having to make a decision. Being in the car is one of my favorite places to be. I wish I could drive forever. Always about to get there but never actually getting there.
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    For me weekends, esp. Sundays are very difficult. I can't wait to get back to work on a Monday so I'm not alone with my thoughts. Late nights are also difficult.

    When I'm at my worst, it's 24/7 suicidal thoughts with no respite. Usually I'm calling myself names, pacing, talking to myself, shaking. I am often bullying myself, trying to work up my nerve to go ahead and do it. A small part of me - and I mean a teeny/tiny part of me - says wait. Defer. Don't do it now, wait until tomorrow. Wait 5 minutes. Wait 1 minute. And that's how I stay alive.

    I'm not what they call "high risk" anymore and thankfully I have some relief from these feelings. It is great to wake up in the morning and not be faced with those inner demons.
  7. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Sorry but mine are too graphic to post here :unsure:
  8. bria

    bria Well-Known Member

    I too get them in the most random places, and times. Driving seems to do it a lot for me too, but so can petting our cat. I think it also depends on what kind of mood I am in that affects what triggers the thoughts.
  9. Rachael41

    Rachael41 Well-Known Member

    I have them almost every day.............
    but the times when its really bad is when im riding the bus to and from work....

    I just feel so alone and i stare out of the window and watch the world pass me by :( it makes me feel terrified .....because i dont no hw to cope with life :(

    i always think about the ways i would do it..and its asthough i plan it out in my head..."whether or not i will write a note", "how wil i do it" all those sorts of things :(

    it never goes away for me......i could b having a good day then i do something stupid like bang my arm by accident and i will think to myself "ouchhhhhhhh, " then i think "im such an idiot i deserved that and i deserve to die :("
  10. Just like everyone else has said, I pretty much think about it everyday... even after a day of hanging out with friends, and it was a good day! but once I get home it's just like "wow, I really don't want to live.." I seem to welcome the thoughts with open arms now because they're going to come no matter what I do. Even after good days? I mean seriously? What the hell...?

    I can imagine myself doing it, being sucessful, see my funeral, see how my friends and family will react. I always wonder who will find me...
  11. sandalwood

    sandalwood Well-Known Member

    mostly for me they come on strong when i lay down to go to sleep. at the moment sleeping pills are helping me drop off before it gets too intense. otherwise it depends on the situation. if i come across a way of doing so by chance (say am looking out the window of a tall building or on a tall bridge etc) my mind races just the same and i have to force myself away. i'm getting twitches just thinking about it. feeling pretty low right now..
  12. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    i have them at work and when i have to go to work soon. because my job i hate is what causes them. i see equipment and machines at work and think about how i could use them for methoddz. pretty much every 30 seconds i will have a thought
  13. perry_mason

    perry_mason Well-Known Member

    im the same way. i used to be close with some great people and it seemed like they liked me and stuff and we used to do loads of fun things but at the end of it all even though it made me so happy, i was thinking 'i cant deal with all of this, i need to die'. that is a pretty weird way to be.
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    When I am feeling suicidal , I tie a n**** and keep it near me just so I know that its there for if i need it. I know i shouldnt really do that but I cant control myself well when i feel down. Other than that I fantasise constantly about my death and funeral. Thinking about it makes me feel better.
  15. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    Daisy chain I have done the same thing as you with the item in the bag, except my husband found it. When I think about getting caught in the act, it is how I would explain myself out of it etc, I also do think about them finding my body. I also go for long drives in the car for something to do and think about it there as well.
  16. FutureSeek

    FutureSeek Member

    When it starts to get bad I think about it every day, off and on, it just comes and goes; like "Oh, you again."

    Sometimes all of a sudden I can even hear it, right by my ear and I wonder if I will hear it go off before I die. And sometimes out of the blue I see myself doing it, and then the noise.

    Sometimes when I'm driving I have the urge to do it that way.

    A few years ago when it got bad I told my wife and she hid the g**** so I don't tell her anymore. But I think about her hiding it when I want to go get it and keep it handy just in case, and I tell myself her actions were the sensible ones, not mine.

    When it gets the worst I sometimes just chant to myself, outloud if I'm alone, or in my head if I'm in a crowded place, about how I can't do it because I have pets who need me; it wouldn't be fair to them. I just don't dare think past my own chant, truly one minute at a time.

    I'm new here, I hope I'm doing this right, according to forum rules about what to say and what not to say. If not I guess someone will edit me.
  17. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    I get the thoughts when ever i hear about people being happy,being in a relationship,having kids,getting a job,when i see couples in public is usualy the worst time.hearing people talk about things getting better pushes me down making me depressed,

    I think about how ive failed before and what could i change to make it work.I guess to kill yourself you have to be successful. but if ur a successful person then you wouldnt think about suicide and depression.not saying people that are successful arent depressed just saying that statisticly.
  18. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I don't have them at any specific time, they almost always happen through a trigger, ususally a very small one others would shrug off. Like my dad yells at me, sometimes when he is angry and just takes his anger out on me, tells me I am a loser, have no friends, etc. and immediately get depressed and think of suicide.

    The problem with me is I don't confront my problems, I just stay inside and watch tv, play videogames, I run away from my problems. Many times, I feel that I am "pretty normal" and things will be okay for me, things will work out.

    And so occassionally, I am reminded of how much of a loser I am, how far behind I am everyone and I can never catch up, have a normal life and then become very depressed and then it goes away again.
  19. anonymousguy

    anonymousguy Member

    I can relate as well. Whenever I hang out with friends I feel pretty good at the time. But when I get home afterwards I feel more depressed than if I had not seen them.
  20. Tree1055

    Tree1055 Member

    for me, i'm just thing i'll starve myself. starve myself and walk around for hours until i fall over dead. that'd be the way i would want to go, but i get those happy spurts at times, so i'd never be able to do it. the quicker ways turn to shit. i fumble around, the plan goes to ruin. guess its my way of picking myself back up
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