I need to know when life gets better. For so long, I've been pinning my hopes on the next step. Every year I think - this is it, this year, it's going to get better. I make up some phony reason why my life is going to get better this year, but it never does. I've just entered University - and this is when I was certain that my life would get better - I would be in the real world with real, mature people, and I would find people like me. In this vast metropolis, I'd be certain to find people with the same interests - maybe even someone who likes me for who I am. You see, I've never had a friend. Not a proper one anyway. There's always been people to hang about with - I could call them friends, but I've never had a best friend. There's never been someone I could call a proper friend with, someone I can confide in, someone who likes hanging out with me and we could just chill the night away. That's all I want - why haven't I found it yet? I've thrown myself in, I've introduced myself and thrown myself in, but I'm still that guy in the corner. The guy that just sits there and cracks the occasional sarcastic comment - always just on the edge of the circle, looking in but never being a part. It's so fucking hard and I don't know why I should bother anymore. The only reason I've got this far is through hope - hope that in the next stage of my life, things will be different and I will find that life will get better. But now there aren't many stages of my life left, and I'm beginning to doubt whether things will ever change. Will it be like this forever? Will I always be this same guy, who never finds a true confidante, never finds who I truly am? Because if this is what it is like, for the rest of my life, I don't know if it's worth it. I'm not sure it's worth the effort. All that is keeping me here really is my family - now I love my family, my parents and my sisters, but they love me unconditionally. I've been waiting for so long for someone to love me conditionally. Not because I'm family, but for no other reason that they like the person that I am. That, and hope. Blind hope that at some point down the line, things will change and get better. I thought that being in the real world would be the big breakthrough, but it's not and now I am seriously doubting my future. I'm running out of hope, scraping the barrel of what might happen to change things. I'm waiting for my real life to begin and I don't know how long I can wait. Please, tell me when life gets better. If I have a date, I can work towards that, I can survive until then. I need something concrete, because I don't know how long I can keep going on pure guesswork and faith.