When does life get good?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheVoid, Oct 27, 2010.

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  1. TheVoid

    TheVoid Member

    I need to know when life gets better. For so long, I've been pinning my hopes on the next step. Every year I think - this is it, this year, it's going to get better. I make up some phony reason why my life is going to get better this year, but it never does. I've just entered University - and this is when I was certain that my life would get better - I would be in the real world with real, mature people, and I would find people like me. In this vast metropolis, I'd be certain to find people with the same interests - maybe even someone who likes me for who I am.

    You see, I've never had a friend. Not a proper one anyway. There's always been people to hang about with - I could call them friends, but I've never had a best friend. There's never been someone I could call a proper friend with, someone I can confide in, someone who likes hanging out with me and we could just chill the night away. That's all I want - why haven't I found it yet? I've thrown myself in, I've introduced myself and thrown myself in, but I'm still that guy in the corner. The guy that just sits there and cracks the occasional sarcastic comment - always just on the edge of the circle, looking in but never being a part. It's so fucking hard and I don't know why I should bother anymore.

    The only reason I've got this far is through hope - hope that in the next stage of my life, things will be different and I will find that life will get better. But now there aren't many stages of my life left, and I'm beginning to doubt whether things will ever change. Will it be like this forever? Will I always be this same guy, who never finds a true confidante, never finds who I truly am? Because if this is what it is like, for the rest of my life, I don't know if it's worth it. I'm not sure it's worth the effort.

    All that is keeping me here really is my family - now I love my family, my parents and my sisters, but they love me unconditionally. I've been waiting for so long for someone to love me conditionally. Not because I'm family, but for no other reason that they like the person that I am. That, and hope. Blind hope that at some point down the line, things will change and get better. I thought that being in the real world would be the big breakthrough, but it's not and now I am seriously doubting my future. I'm running out of hope, scraping the barrel of what might happen to change things. I'm waiting for my real life to begin and I don't know how long I can wait.

    Please, tell me when life gets better. If I have a date, I can work towards that, I can survive until then. I need something concrete, because I don't know how long I can keep going on pure guesswork and faith.
  2. Johnnyc

    Johnnyc Well-Known Member

    You have to make your life better, you have to set your own date of when it will get better. I personally have found with the help of my therapist, goals seem easier to reach. That may be a route for you or maybe not. But hell it's worth a try.
  3. TheVoid

    TheVoid Member

    But I have been setting my own date. Every year, I set the next date, and I do try to make things better but it never works. I'm trying so hard but it just won't happen.
  4. Johnnyc

    Johnnyc Well-Known Member

    I'd say then do not set a date, set goals whether they be daily, weekly etc. and do not make the goals to hard to achieve.
  5. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    There isn't a magical date when the worlds going to get better. I'm sorry if that upsets you but it's true. Life isn't like that. Sometimes you don't even notice that things got better until they start going bad again.
    In some area's of life you can say 'this is what I want' and then go after it. That's true of things like getting a degree or learning to play the guitar or going on a diet.
    Its not true for things like relationships. You can't say 'I want a really happy marriage by June 15th 2015' or 'I want my perfect best friend by this time next Wednesday'. It's highly unlikely to happen and you're setting yourself up to fail.
    Other people don't live in your world and will never be what you want them to be. They live in their own world and have their own problems and own issues. They're usually so busy focusing on themselves that it doesn't cross their minds for a moment that they're not doing what you want them to do. Or being what you want them to be. With the best will in the world, you can't control other people and neither should you want to.
    Right now, you need to concentrate on your education and let everything else fall into place on it's own. You say that you sit in the corner 'throwing out sarcastic remarks'. Well personally, I'd be sat in that corner with you. I love sarcasm, think it's hysterically funny. Other people are intimidated by it though and don't understand it. They find it threatening. So unless you can find a group of people who also enjoy that sort of humour, you may want to think about cutting back on the sarcasm. Or quote other peoples, that's not quite so scary for the people around you and makes you look well read.
    Life improves when you don't expect it to so stop giving it a date.
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