When dreams turn to twisted paranoia... *trigger*

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by RainbowChaser, Aug 22, 2007.

  1. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    Okay, so maybe I should have put this elsewhere, I'm not sure...

    Last night, I went to sleep, as you do. Had another horrible dream.

    In my dream my ex joined up to SF. He was low, and joined up under a name that most people will have forgotten that he ever used. And I saw it under the newest user thing and panicked. Not just because I was triggered due to all the stuff he did to me, but also th fact that half of what he did to me is plastered over these boards, and it was gonna make him feel a whole lot worse if he saw any of it.

    When I woke up I was paranoid as anything about it, so I text something to some people about it (vague I know, but I don't know what I wrote or even who I sent it to) and I guess it wasn't all that clear what I meant cos 2 people text back asking me what I meant.

    I'm really scared. I know I probably shouldn't care about whether he sees all the stuff I've posted about him or whether he gets hurt by it, but I do. He hurt me, but I can't hurt him back. I still care about him far too much.

    I feel like such a bad person for this.

    Hunny, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. I never meant to do it to hurt you, just to lessen my hurt a little. I'm sorry.
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    never apologize for the things you say when you are hurt or angry. those words are teh strongest words. I believe anger is the strongest emotion out there. never apologize because you are basically apologizing and saying it's okay what he did to you, and it's not okay.

    I'm sorry you had those dreams and if he's here he has to know that youa re hurting and in pain too and should expect you to vent
  3. bella muerte

    bella muerte Well-Known Member

    kelly's right sammie, it's very brave of you to talk and vent about what happened, you don't need to apologise for it, like kell said he should know that your hurting too!
  4. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    I guess, I... I just don't know any more. I just wish someone could delete all the posts here where I've mentioned him :sad: