There gets a point when hopelessness and depression just takes to much. The pain that i feel isn't just a feeling anymore, its now fully who i am. It controls everything. I have trouble sleeping, eating, and just living in general. Sad thing is (i feel like at least) i dont have a reason for it. Yeah i was taken advantage of and a lot of my friends have killed themselves but i still dont think i have a good reason. The emptiness i feel is absurd... I guess im posting here because i have a date again.. the 25th. What a night it would be to pass away on christmas. My own little present to myself and the world, i finally leave and everyone would be happier. I know people here would miss me but with everything thats happened here as of late, gf hospitalized, being put in my place and my importance shown to my friends, multiple deaths of my friends and accepting their deaths... Everything. The feeling i feel isnt.. Idk. Here ill link how i feel because i dont think i can actually describe it again. This is from the Self Harm thread. I feel much worse, undescribably worse then how i did before.... http://www.suicideforum.com/showthr...Other-Things&p=1231812&highlight=#post1231812 I feel so bad... Sigh.