When first you don't succeed, try, try again

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For the last 7 years of my life I have been through several psychiatrists, therapists, different medications etc. All believed the main source of my problem was PTSD. Although I do have that condition, it was not the driving force of my problems as it turned out. I was a desparate soul wandering the net, the streets, the parks hoping someone would take my life for me. This July I did it again, I attempted suicide and did a pretty good job of almost dying.

This time it was different, I ended up with the head of psychiatry as my doctor. Something was different in me and I just was so tired I decided to commit myself inpatient. I was there for a while and while I was there discovered I am bi polar. My med's were switched to match up to that disorder and it was like someone turned on the lights. My panic attacks stopped, I started sleeping through the night and my suicidal thoughts started to diminish. I still have recovery but I decided I had to take action so I asked to go into an intensive out patient program next for several weeks. I have now progresss to a support group, my psychiatrist and a therapist that deals with bi polar and ptsd.

I thought there was no hope for me but found that if you just hang on you can find the right type of help that works for you. It took me 7 years and 3 suicide attempts but I feel better than ever and hope the worst is behind me. But even if the future brings difficulties, which it will, I think I am better prepared to address them without turning to substance abuse and suicide. Good luck to all.
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