When grief turns to anger!!! I lost my fiance!!! It's been 5 years!

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Darkness N Light, Aug 13, 2007.

  1. Darkness N Light

    Darkness N Light Staff Alumni

    I never thought I would get past the hurt and the sadness and the grief and it has now been 5 years almost 6 years. It will be 6 years this coming January. I still can't believe that he committed suicide. When he killed himself I not only lost him but I lost my daughter as well. I was 28 weeks pregnant when he decided to take his own life. It not only cost me him it cost me my daughter. I went into labor 2 days after I placed him in the ground. My daughter only lived for 20 minutes and they did everything possible to save her but she still died. Why me? Why did he have to do it? What did I do to deserve this? I have asked myself this many times in the past and I still do every day. However now I am getting mad. The grief is starting to leave me and so is the hurt but all I have left for him and what he did is anger!
    I moved on from him and found someone else to love and I now have a son but the pain I still feel from his suicide is so great that sometimes it takes my breath away. Now though I am getting pissed and I can't seem to help it. I still question what I did and the reason he did it. He actually wrote me letters before he killed himself and then wrote one to his parents telling them he was sorry and when they were supposed to give me each letter. If he thought that much about me or of me why did he do it?
  2. Myself

    Myself Active Member

    I can't answer that.

    But I can say you can learn from it.

    "Everything that happens makes you stronger."

    I think that's a quote from some realy smart guy. If it's not, it's still realy smart.

    Anyways, try and find something you can learn from it.

    If you need somebody to talk to, I'm here! And short. But still here!

    And so you don't get confused if you do choose to talk to me, no use tryinng to talk to me one the chat. Doesn't work for, so ya know.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 13, 2007
  3. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    So sorry you've been through all this! :sad:

    And so glad you're getting this out, hun. :hug: It might help dissolve some of the anger (which is totally justifiable and understandable, btw. i don't know anyone in your position who wouldn't feel the same. you're handling it mighty well).

    Don't blame yourself at all. No guilt. It was nothing you did, and never will be anything you did. It was his decision, and you know that.

    People do things that we must accept, and we can't always come up with a totally valid reason. He simply thought it best.

    Asking yourself "Why?" will only further your frustration. You've grown from this. Keep growing.

    :hug: Stay strong...
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I'm glad you are angry..if I remember rightly anger is the last cycle of the grieving process..once this has passed you will finally be able to lay him to rest :hug:
  5. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    I'm sorry for the pain you went through hun :hug: I have a friend that went through the same that your going through its hard but please dont takr it out on your self. I can't answer why he did it... We ask are self those question alot but can never answer them. I agree on what terry said and its true :hug: just please hang on and you know where to find me if you need anything.
  6. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I have heard that the loved ones of suicides are often angry. I would be too! You think somehow that you should be enough to get them through the hard times, that they should love you more than they hate their life. What a shitty feeling. Not only that, but of course you must somehow blame him for the loss of your baby (I am SO sorry for your loss).

    But Terry is right. I think anger is the stage of grief that comes right before acceptance, so you are on the right track.

    You are on the way to healing.
  7. Darkness N Light

    Darkness N Light Staff Alumni

    Thank you all for your very kind replies. They mean the world to me. Take care and I love you all. I just wish I could get over the anger, over the pain and over the feelings of hatred I am now having towards him. :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss

    With Love,
    Crystal :hug: :cheekkiss
  8. markc

    markc Active Member

    Crystal, have you considered counseling? Maybe you're taking advantage of that already. If not, I highly recommend it. I'm in counseling following my suicide attempt. More to the point, my WIFE is in counseling, to deal with her anger issues for me almost leaving her (among other things.) It's definitely helping her, and maybe it will help you too.

    Either way, spend time here in the forums and talk to the members. They're good people, and talking to them here has helped me a great deal.


    - Mark
  9. Darkness N Light

    Darkness N Light Staff Alumni

    Yes, I have tried cousling. The one counslor I have seen actually had the nerve to pretty much blame me for his suicide. That to me was totally uncalled for and I will not go back again to do it one more time. I do talk to a lot of people on here and it does help. A lot of them know my life story pretty much. Thank you so much for your words. Take care and I love you. :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss

    With Love,
    Crystal :hug: :cheekkiss
  10. twisted soul

    twisted soul Guest

    don't want to hear this i always feel i am compeating with this guy
  11. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    It is okay to be angry with him for choosing to leave the way he did. Then you not only had to grieve the loss of him, but the loss of your daughter. That is something no one ever wants to face. You have worked through much of the grieving process and are on the last stage of it now. I am glad you were able to get it out and share with us. You have moved forward in your life and will soon be able to put this behind you. The hurt will never go completely away, but it will not always be in your thoughts so often. Take care Crystal. You are a very strong woman. :hug:
  12. markc

    markc Active Member

    Crystal, try again, please. It sounds like the clown you visited seriously needs to have their license pulled. See if you can find a different counselor. I had to try three times before I found someone that I could open up to, that listened without judgement, and who offered me sound advice and hope. I also know that many here in the forum have gone through many more than I. It can work, it's just hard sometimes. We'll always be here to try and help you through the rough patches. The folks here really care, and they've helped me more than I can describe.


    - Mark
  13. Mr Wiggs

    Mr Wiggs Member

    I don't know your or him well enough to tell you why he would have done that; but i can already tell that your a beautiful woman and a loving wife... None of this is your fault, its really not. I'm sure you've heard it a thousand times but the best thing you can do is put it behind you. Just live life? It seems like you have a very good one right now...
  14. Ciggie

    Ciggie New Member

    Hi everyone, I'm new here.
    My baby brother (he was 32) gassed himself last year, its been 15 months and just this week I found myself getting really angry - at myself !!!
    That I didnt do more for him, that I didn't go and find him and make sure he was alright.
    The pain is still so bad, I cant believe that I still have bad days and suffer the guilt and the anger so badly.
    I think I am moving on then I plunge or rather get pulled back into the black sadness of it all
    I guess this is normal ????