I never thought I would get past the hurt and the sadness and the grief and it has now been 5 years almost 6 years. It will be 6 years this coming January. I still can't believe that he committed suicide. When he killed himself I not only lost him but I lost my daughter as well. I was 28 weeks pregnant when he decided to take his own life. It not only cost me him it cost me my daughter. I went into labor 2 days after I placed him in the ground. My daughter only lived for 20 minutes and they did everything possible to save her but she still died. Why me? Why did he have to do it? What did I do to deserve this? I have asked myself this many times in the past and I still do every day. However now I am getting mad. The grief is starting to leave me and so is the hurt but all I have left for him and what he did is anger! I moved on from him and found someone else to love and I now have a son but the pain I still feel from his suicide is so great that sometimes it takes my breath away. Now though I am getting pissed and I can't seem to help it. I still question what I did and the reason he did it. He actually wrote me letters before he killed himself and then wrote one to his parents telling them he was sorry and when they were supposed to give me each letter. If he thought that much about me or of me why did he do it?