I tend to keep alot of my optimism, hopes dreams, and most importantly understandings free inside me. What I mean is afloat from the situations of the world. Not entirely, but just enough to allow for them to not be defined by a situation or moment that could block them out. I have no idea if that makes any sense to you, but I keep alot of things safe. But I've had a few things happen over the last several years and I've crashed. Each time parts of me lose focus and whittle away. I cripple and scramble to maintain these aspects from nullifying. I struggle to keep a calm and sight that I've developed alive. But each time I crash.... instead of all that I hope, everything lands on these simplistic worthless aspects that soon become the highlight of my life. I break, and when I break the things that would never interest me, or never be enough flood in. And I forget. Idk if this makes sense to anyone, but I swear I used to be better at talking on here. I don't particularly like anyones opinions because I don't want them. But strangely this is perhaps the only place I have left where I can talk, even if it's jsut writing something down. Spose though this is just another facade in itself Trying not to realize it just yet. It's just a struggel when I break, and difficult to maintain who I've become when my airways start collapsing. If that makes anysense. Except for airways, it's thought and awareness.