when i was a kid

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Dark Angel, Oct 14, 2011.

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  1. Dark Angel

    Dark Angel Member

    I should start by saying I'm new here but I came here cos a friend told me this is good place to talk about stuff without getting judged. I been sad lately cos my Dad died last december and I'm trying not to blame myslef. It's too long to go into here but basically he killed himself after I turned my back on him a few months before. when i was a kid he moved far away and left me and my brothers abandoned in a hotel in detroit. before this I was being raped by my stepdad and his friend and i was only about 7. My dad left us and we ended up in foster care for more than 2 years where we were horribly abused and tied to beds with belts and tape and locked in our room and starved. finally we got home with our mom and she was still with that man who raped me and so it happened more. Last year i got in contact with my dad when i moved to the same state he was to go to school and we talked for forever and i was getting to know him. then in november he moved to be with my half sister and retire and then when i went to my grandma's funeral and saw him i wouldnt talk to him. he tried to call me on the phone when i went back home but i ignored him- I was mad cos he left me and then he killed himself a week after seeing me. I feel so horrible and sad so i came here to talk about it. this is killing me
     
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    you've already been through way too much suffering. no reasonable person would put a guilt trip on you because of your dad's death.

    it's the responsibility of a parent to take care of a child, not the responsibility of a daughter to take care of her dad.

    your talking to your dad would not have necessarily changed anything.

    it's not reasonable to think that after all that you have been through, that you should not have the right to be angry at someone. you had reasons to be angry at your dad, and not talking to him was a perfectly acceptable way of expressing that.

    I think that if your dad could speak to you now, he would forgive you. maybe he would also apologize for not being there for you when you were a kid

    I'm sorry that you have been through so much pain

    :hug: :hug: :hug:

    I know that it's impossible, but I wish that I could take all the pain away from you
     
  3. Dark Angel

    Dark Angel Member

    Thanks. I've always taken care of myself and never been having to take care of him so its easier said then done. I just wish he was still here. thanks so much
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No not your fault not at all Who knows why your father chose to leave only he knows that. You look after yourself well he left you and you had a right to that anger okay any parent would see that. He did not leave because of you he left because he could not fight anymore. I Know how badly it feels to i do but the guilt he would not want you to have that I hope you now have therapy councilling to help you deal with this sadness.
     
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