when is it best to drop a friend?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by jasonkramer, Dec 3, 2010.

  1. jasonkramer

    jasonkramer Well-Known Member

    for the past couple years i have been considering cutting all contact with a friend of mine. in sorT the reason is because it seems like i am expected to give in the relationship no matter what while he can take all he wants and only gives when it is something he enjoys.

    long version

    for the past few years i have been considering cutting all contact with the people i know once i get in to a suitable position. this would include even the people i enjoy being around. about a year ago this friend became the one person i know i have to get rid of. my reasoning for this is that he stabbed me in the back over a very small issue for which there was no reason to do so.

    the issue involved me having a good opportunity to take advantage of another person. i could have easily gotten away with it and i asked him for advice and his response was to not do it. i listened to him and about a week later we were at the bar for a welcome back party. at the bar the subject came up and several guys said i should have gone with it. their response did not bother me in the least until my friend did a complete 180 and agreed with them and went further than they did with the rude jokes. normally that wouldn't bother me except that he just obviously stabbed me in the back. out of the group of 8 people the only one that was on my side was the military police officer back from korea.

    other things he has done involved offering me a place to sleep so that i could help him move and then revoking the offer. i ended up staying with my aunt the next town over.

    one time i went to him during one of my suicidal episodes and he basically said he couldn't help and ended contact with me for a few days. to be fair though we men are horrible when it comes to dealing with emotions and i would expect the something similar from most guys.

    there have been other times when i have wanted to discuss my annoying life only to be cut right off. yet when he starts complaining other people are expected to list.

    i got my desk top back from him Saturday after 6 months. he said he would install his old graphics card in it. i got the computer back last week and the tape i used to close the box hadn't even been broken. the procedure would take him only a few minutes to do. my old roommate told me how to do it earlier today so its all hooked up now.

    there was a lot of BS in high school which is to be expected.

    and its not just me he wont do stuff for. female friend of mine asked him to pick up an old movie for her that her husband has always wanted as a Christmas present. after 3 years she asked me and her husband finally got the damn movie.

    he is basically a inconsiderate jackass. the only reason i can see to keep him around is possible as a character reference when i apply for a federal job after college.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You answered your own question if he is not bringing anything positve to the friendship then it is time to maybe part. I would wait until i got my reference though get him to write a good one up for you first.
     
  3. foreverforgotten

    foreverforgotten Well-Known Member

    then only keep him around for the refernce for a job.
    otherwise youll get too attached. dont let yourself get hurt even worse
    by trusting this guy. he sounds self absorbed anyways.
    best find some worthwhile friends who actually care.
    i hope things get better for you :3
     
  4. Atompilz

    Atompilz Well-Known Member

    I can really empathise with you. The cliche of 'finding out who your friends are in times of need' is so true. I have noticed many people on this site who say they offer lots of time and help to their friends whenever they need it and don't get the same in return and even get backstabbed when at their lowest. I try to treat people how I hope they will treat me but it very rarely works. But I guess with the very few it does work with you know they are a true friend who has give and take as it should be.

    I have just cut a friend out of my life for good about 3 weeks ago and to be honest I should have done it a lot sooner. I think a lot of people here also see the good in people and we tend to keep hold of things longer than we should even though we know they are not good for us. I had known her for 23 years since school and watched her bully many people over that time always taking what she wanted from them and then discarding them whilst telling them they are worthless and should die. I don't even know why I stayed in contact with her, haven't seen her for 5 years. I contacted her recently as my beloved cat had died and I was distraught, still am, she sent me lengthy emails telling me I was pathetic, f'ed in the head, nobody likes me, everyone has always laughed at me behind my back and nobody would ever want to be with me as they all pity me. How weird is that after I had just told her I was feeling really sad and needed support. The names she called me are horrifc and I still have no idea why she was like this or what most of the things she was saying were about. I have always been there when she has needed someone.

    I guess most people are just takers and if they can't use you they have no use for you. Your friend sounds like he had one opinion and then changed it infront of the others so as to fit in with them, be one of the sheep! From what you have said the topic was about having the opportunity to use someone which you didn't do so it sounds to me as though you are the better person and did the right thing.

    In my experience people like this never change so I would get rid of them and tell them why politely. Don't get rid of all your friends though people need influence/friendship from people like you who don't just go with the crowd and stick up for the decision they have made especially when it was the right one :)
     
  5. Chameleon76

    Chameleon76 Well-Known Member

    Just cut your losses and move on.

    If he can't be bothered to do simple favors for his friends, then he's not the kind of person who'd be a reliable reference anyways.