when is it ok to go?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Nick_K, Jul 16, 2011.

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  1. Nick_K

    Nick_K Well-Known Member

    I've recently realized I'm just going through the motions. Go to psychologist get therapy. Psych says you need meds, go do psychiatrist. Psychiatrist puts me on whatever the last pharma sales rep told her the new fucking wonder drug is and it works for a bit but makes my intestines feel like I've switched to a diet of pure Tobasco sauce. Then it stops working but the GI effects remain.

    I'm tired. I've been trying so hard and the only people who believe me are people who cannot help me. The doctors with their white coats stand over me like some idiot who just failed a test. So, if I can't get the help I need, is it wrong to just say goodbye? I haven't yet because of moral concerns. Right now though it hurts so much that I'm not sure if morals even belong in this topic. How can I consider right and wrong when I don't even know what's real.
     
  2. objectsinmirrors

    objectsinmirrors Well-Known Member

    Hi Nick,

    I am so deeply sorry to hear that you are experiencing such immense pain that you feel like you are on autopilot and that it may be time to say goodbye. It is possible that you havent found the right med or therapist or therapy yet, but there are a lot to try and i really hope you give treatment as much as a chance as you possibly can. It may seem like death is a quick fix, and in some ways it is, but it is also a forever fix, and i think that there very well may be happy times ahead that you would miss out on if you died now. Have you spoken with your therapist and doctor about how severe your thoughts are and how you feel the treatment is not helpful? Perhaps a trip to the hospital would help you in the short term to feel less alone, and help maybe figure out a medication with less side effects. SF is here for you! Please remember that you are NOT alone, and keep us updated with how you are doing!

    May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be wise. May you be safe and protected. Peace be with you.
    :console:
    Megan
     
  3. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Its not OK to go - but its OK to feel that way and be honest about it.

    Do you have anyone who can talk to about this? I mean maybe your like most men and we just say nothing really. I hope you have someone around you or a least maybe some work or some education to maybe get into when you get a bit better.

    If it was the UK I'd say that you could just see your doctor whenever you needed a new medicine. You would go more often and be able to say 'this drug does not work'. The docs do not take it personally if a drug does not work - some psychs, expect you to keep using even if you feel like sh** from day 1. Some side effects make things worse - and some of the drugs can have a limited effect - like you say a week and its gone!

    But there are a lot of meds - and you should be at least keeping a diary of all this - marking in any day you felt in the least bit better. Even a tiny bit.

    Maybe a therapist would be better than a psych - after all I thought a psychiatrist would make a diagnosis. Trouble is another might make another diagnosis.

    Your depression has either happened for a reason - or, it has no reason - I mean to say, its just something in you - in me, in us - biological. Knowing what yours is would help.

    Lets say it had no reason - then a therapist might be better as its about techniques to cope with depression in general which means everything in some ways.

    Or it may be a women - and some psych is dishing out meds like candy when, I don't know, maybe they ought to advise going to a rave or something. A barndance. I'm not sure - but somewhere with women and music I guess.

    You got options also - natural defences against this thing. Ask around here - some are really into the fitness side of things - others meditation. Some chill out - others rock and roll and there's all sorts of things other than the meds and some psych who might be gobbling more pills than an American soccer mom.

    hope to hear a bit more from you - and obviously its a good thing your here as there are people here in your boat - with no paddle, going down the rapids or so it seems.

    Depression is real but the fear is a state of mind you can fight against.

    Good luck with all of this Nick and God bless also.

    Yours from the nation that gave the world issues!
     
  4. Nick_K

    Nick_K Well-Known Member

    And also with you, Megan.

    To Peace's point, I do meditate, exercise, and watch my diet. This wasn't always the case but I approached docs/therapy as a last resort, as in lifestyle changes aren't helping. I've also been through enough therapy to be familiar with positive coping methods in depth. I'm supposed to be the stable one in my family, so I cannot count on support from them. Rather they depend on me because they are at least as lost as I am.

    I'm in the US. If I thought a hospital stay would be worth it, I would have gone a long time ago. In fact I have had to talk my way out of a police escort to the ER before. Since then I do hide the severity of my symptoms, because all of the evidence available to me suggests the bureaucratic maze that inhibits quality of care is at least as bad in a hospital if not worse. Why pay thousands to be ignored when I can have the same experience at home for mere hundreds?? :dry:

    I imagine the solution would be to find a place that has some interest in successful outcomes as opposed to merely writing scripts as fast as possible to bill for another office visit. However in my searching I have yet to come across such a boon to humanity that I could afford. I guess you have to be quite wealthy to deserve saving. I know that's pretty cynical but how else could I look at it.
     
  5. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Hi. I don't know what is at the root of your suicidal thoughts but I wonder if cognitive behavioural therapy might help? Is that something you could ask your doc about? X
     
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