It's my choice, no one else has that right. Suicide is the one thing I have control over . *When is it ok to just let someone go?* I don't believe in God. The it's a sin factor doesn't work. I have no family alive and I have no friends. So the "think about the people you are leaving behind" scenario doesn't fly either. *I had a cat but I had to give her away, she got sick, I'm homeless *and I couldn't afford to care for her any longer. So no one and nothing depends on me for survival now.* You know sometimes things don't get better. Sometimes they get worse. *I've tried to kill myself 6 times. The first time was when I was 15. *I can say honestly that the first time I didn't really want to die, I wanted my family to care. I came out as a lesbian to my family when I was 14 and they threw me out. I went from naive and innocent to thief and ***** overnight. I became a call girl, earned a lot of money, tried to still go to school and lost my innocence in a very short time. I wanted to go home so I took a whole lot of pills, went to my family's house and told them what I did. That time was the only time I ever warned anyone. On two occasions I didn't take enough or I took the wrong drugs and woke up, sick as a dog, wondering why the hell am I still here. * And f -all if someone didn't freaking find me before I could die. Shallow breathing or the fact that I passed out in the middle of the room told them there was a problem and instantly ambulances were called on all 3 occasions. I died for 3 minutes with the med and you know what I saw, *NOTHING! There is nothing after death. You just die, that's it.* After the first time I learned that if you want to succeed *at death, you don't warn anyone you know. You take the right pills or plan the right course of action and then you follow through. But for whatever reason someone has always come around just in the nick of time. And I am always pissed off when I wake up.* So my question is Why? Why can't you see that some people have NO options. I'm not talking about a person that has their heart broken and wants to die or someone who failed mid terms here. *That to me is making a rash decision and they should talk to someone. Seek help. You still have a life and people who love you. You have a future! *But I'm freakin homeless, I have nothing , I'm in my 40's and you would all want me to suffer and try to survive for another 30+ years like this? Some people just don't want to live that way and especially not that long.* I expect to read that "you care",* "someone needs you" , " you have a purpose" , but I don't , this is it for me, this is where I am and if you look deeply enough into yourself you will realize you really don't care, they are words to ease your mind. *You don't know me, *you will certainly never meet me, you might pass me on the street and have some semblance of pity for my situation but nothing more in the long run. ** You will not live with my pain, my depression or my sorrow for the rest of my life. That is my burden, it is never yours. so how can anyone possibly say "keep going" when all there is to go to is more suffering and for many years to come.* Can anyone see my point? Sometimes it is the better option. For certain circumstances it is the right choice. When you have absolutely nothing, no one and you are in as much pain as you can possibly imagine, then it might be your only choice.* Please if you are *thinking about dying and read this please please do not read this the wrong way. This isn't something I have rushed into. This is something I have been thinking about * for a very very long time and I tried extremely *hard to find something to hold onto. *I'm not saying your pain is any less but you might still have options and more then likely you have people who do care about you in your life. *If I had family it might be different for me. *So please don't think this is your only option. All circumstances are different. I have no intention of hurting myself tonight. * I just believe that certain people in certain situations should be allowed to let go and not feel guilt, shame or that they are selfish and weak.* Can anyone see my point? Does anyone agree that under certain circumstances it is less cruel to let the person go then to have them suffer for years to come? *Am I the only person that sees things in this light? Am I wrong?