its been a long time since i hurted myslef, im sure its over a couple of months but i needed it so badly. when my mind is out of control the only thing that snaps on it is cutting. i should be feeling better but i dont, it wasnt enough, last time wasnt enough either, and the time before, when i could even see my vein, wasnt either. so many things have happened in my life, but none has any sence, all feelings that i cant handle. And the numbness again, filling me like an empty bottle. 3 am and im not sleepy, nor tired either. I justwant to get the surgical blade and do it again untill i feel satisfied, but will i ever feel that way? yes i will, the day i cant show my arms it will be enough, but spring is here again, and days of heat will force me to wear short sleeves, and doesnt matter how much i need it, im sure i cant hurt as i wish. What would be the excuse this time? why didnt i talk about it? i know why, the reason is that im fked up, thats all.