When it hits you hard...

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by wakkkkk, Mar 8, 2016.

  1. wakkkkk

    wakkkkk New Member


    I'm "wak" and let me tell you my story.

    My father was diagnosed with an incurable form of brain cancer 12 months ago and given 12months to live.

    Over the past year I have dedicated my life to providing him with illegal treatments (UK) I'm sure many of you will know what I mean.

    Fast forward to now.

    My father has been given 2 months to live, he can no longer speak, he is my best friend.

    My girlfriend of 2 years who I will never blame for doing so has left me because of the strain and time I have had to put towards my father I have neglected her.

    I'm left with the likelihood of losing my father this month and my girlfriend has been my main support but she just can't be expected to help any longer.

    I feel so alone, I feel a lot of my aspiration in life was down to wanting to impress my father, we had a business that we built together too that has since crumbled.

    I am in debt because of the medication I had to source him.

    I feel like once he leaves this earth my purpose of trying to keep him alive will be gone and that I have nothing to look forward to thereafter.

    This is my cry for help, I need some light.

  2. sahel

    sahel SF Supporter

    I don't know what to say, it must be so difficult to be in this situation. The only thing that I can say is, I am so sorry to hear about your dad:( I am sure that your dad is so proud of you and you should be proud of yourself, too. I am sure he is happy for having such a nice, kind and caring son. I wish you strength to go through this tough time.

    I don't know if it's a good advise or not. But I will tell it anyway. Maybe, trying to focus on making whatever remaining time, better for him rather than thinking about what will happen next, makes it easier for you to handle the situation. I don't know how conscious your dad is, you two can spend some time watching his favourite movie, or you reading his favourite book for him or any kind of hobby which is doable under the circumstances. What do you think?
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You should look around for some grief support groups so you can meet some of the people that are or have been in similar situations as you in caring for a loved one to the end. It is a difficult thing to do and has a tremendous toll. But in the end, think about the same thing that has motivated you to this point- what would your father want for you? When he is no longer around it will not suddenly eliminate his influence and effect from your life, and trying to do things for the respect of a parent or other is a common motivation- one that does not depend on their physical presence. You know them well enough to know what they would want for you. Things get tough in these situations in other areas of our life, but that is also a temporary thing. You will have a lot of time and energy that needs focus after and finding a place to put it is good way to spend some of the remaining time when you can still "talk it out" with your father whether you are getting response or not.
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am so sorry for what you are going through *hugs*

    have you considered grief therapy or counseling, or group therapy for people in similar situations?
    Your doctor should know how to join such groups. I think it would do you good to know you're not alone and to get some support from someone who truly knows what it's like.

    You can still make your father proud in the future, that can be a great inspiration! You should consider that your father most likely wants what's best for you, so go and work on getting that. Don't give up, that's not what he will want you to. He'd like to see you succeed and live a happy life. So do what you need to do to get there.

    *more hugs* Remember yourself too, also now.
  5. hayleykimiko

    hayleykimiko New Member

    I know you don't believe it, a lot of us don't, but you're going to be okay.
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm really sorry for what you're going through. As someone else mentioned, a grief support group might help you to connect with others who are having similar feelings. *hug* We're always here anytime you need support.
  7. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Just wondering how you were doing Wak?