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when it shifts from a su to p su

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost_child, Jul 30, 2007.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    when ur told ur no longer in a state of active suicide but planned suicide, did u feel more calmer, more in control, more at ease? That's how I've been feeling, since I've made plans, sorted finances out, wrote poems, letters, saved ******** tablets, I feel more I don't know, but I do feel more different.

    I take prescription drugs, but not prescribed to me, I started self medicating as what i now called "instant suicide" wasn't working, I'd tried, I'd failed..I feel I deserve to be punished and the only way is to die a painful death.
  2. I have planned many of my suicides, and I'll admit, it does put me at ease, it makes me very calm and like it's all going my way and it's soon going to happen.

    But, I'll ask you, why do you feel this way? Think talking about it will help, maybe? I don't think anyone deserves a painful death, *cept me*, but, I'm here for you okay? PM me and we can chat if you like, or we can talk openly on this thread... :hug: I'm thinking 'bout you. I hope you reconsider...
  3. Luliby

    Luliby Staff Alumni

    Sometimes medications can actually increase urges for suicide. This self medication may be causing a lot of emotional unstability for you. Please see a Dr. about this, k?

    As for a state of calmness. yes. For me there is an intial struggle in my thoughts that suicide is bad, I shouldn't, all the terrible consequences and all the fear of it, etc. And then, it's as if the mind can't take the struggle anymore and it just gears down into acceptance. That this is how it's going to be, I can't fight it or change it, just accept it.

    That is a dangerous state of mind. But it's as if the mind has turned off and doesn't really care anymore. sometimes, an actual happiness that it's going to be over.

    When I get to that point I feel like my mind has actually turned over. North is south and west is east, etc. I have sometimes needed short term hospitalizations to recover from that state as it is very difficult to turn around on your own. Probably because it does feel better than the previous period of emotional turmoil. And any break in the emotional pain is greatly appreciated.

    But it's important to note that the idea of death is not bringing you that peace. It's really your perception that it WILL be over and you HAVE taken steps to fix everything and the everything WILL be ok. This isn't actually true in the case of suicide but if you believe it than it has the power to calm you.

    What you really want is change and relief from your present situation and emotions, yes?

    Please seek out a Dr. and get the med situation resolved. Please seek a therapist or couselor to talk to. And accept that things can get better without death. That death isn't going to be the answer you imagine it to be. these feelings are not permanent nor is your current state or crisis. you can get past this. And later, when things are better you'll be able to look back and say, "I'm so glad i didn't..."
  4. Azul

    Azul Well-Known Member

    No it doesn't it makes me feel worse. I don't want to die. But I don't want to live either.
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Each action we do when we are feeling like that seems to monitor how much we can control the pain we are going through...stock piling is one way ppl do that...I hope you continue to share your feelings with us, as connecting is a much stronger strategy...also know I say this with great humility as I am very poor at doing this myself...big hugs and please stay safe, Jackie
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