I've pretty much decided that suicide is justified in my case. It might seems selfish but I'm sparing people a lot more suffering in the long term. My dad keeps his guns locked up so I'm thinking about jumping from a high bridge nearby. I'm fairly certain that the impact of the fall will kill me. I really hope so. But, if not, I'll certainly drown. There really is no reason for me to keep living. All my former friends hate me and/or think I'm crazy. My family is sick of dealing with me and they've said so on numerous occasions. I have no steady job. I've been working for my dad which is humiliating. He says the most disgusting, embarrassing things to me in front of his employees. Because of his bitching about me my entire hometown now despises me. Although most of them already did to begin with. I HATE my dad. He's an ignorant, cruel, sick fucking pervert. But if I don't do what he says he won't help me. I'm completely broke (in debt actually) and I need him to bail me out. I can't count on my mom for shit because she can't put down the crack pipe long enough to listen to one god damn thing I have to say. So, I'm 22 years old and a total failure at life. I dropped out of college. I desperately need to get off this farm and go back but I have no money. I'm basically a waste of life and everyone would be much better off if I just killed myself. I can't stand having the people I once cared about hate me so openly. I don't want to suffer the depression, anxiety, and panic attacks anymore. I just want it all to be over and then everyone else can get on with their lives without me around. I've tried before and failed. Next time I'll be sure not to mess it up.