When life gets tough

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Alivebutnotliving, May 7, 2011.

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  1. Ive though about 'Doing it ' for ages.years infact.

    its somthing i think about often.

    i dont have much to live for

    dont have any friends .no job.No nothing!

    i dont go out much either !

    i used to be the opposite and still had theese thoughts.

    My sister got in touch with me today because she knows one day il just snap and end it..

    she has spoken to the rest of my family and told them how i wont be around for much longer ect ect..

    i dont want to go....because i know it will cause upset in the family.but should i suffer just to keep everyone happy?

    but i really dont want to go on like this anymore.

    Last edited by a moderator: May 7, 2011
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi David..sorry things seem so awful...what has brought you to this point? I am sure there are so many ppl here who will understand...J
  3. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    David, we spoke a few days ago and it was a pleasure to do so. Let me put this to you:

    You state that you "really don't want to go on like this anymore". But that you're only staying alive because you don't want to cause undue suffering to your family.

    So my question is this, Why are these your only two options? Surely you could keep your family happy, by being happy in yourself?
  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hey alivebutnothing - just staying alive so others can be happy can work only if YOU feel happy or at least OK in yourself. You can hide what you feel for a long time but in my experience and most others depression cannot be covered up forever.

    You say you have nothing - and I'm wondering about the practical side of this and whether you are at least claiming some benefits. I'm wondering if you've even been to your docs and have tried things like therapy or counselling or meds?

    If you don't go out much - you'll tend not to have many friends. Depression can keep you out of touch with people - I know lots of people myself, but maybe don't feel like the company. Luckily, with men, you can have a friend and not see them for years.

    Usually I'd have lots of things lined up to do - various projects, but right now I'm bored by everything. I know its depression though! But even so, its not like knowing it defeats it. But at least knowing you have it - admitting it to yourself is a start.

    You say you used to be the opposite of what you are now - just like me in some ways. But what I used to be was not that nice - so its not a regret having changed so much. Turning honest was good for me - and I'm talking about trying to live an honest life.

    But I'll not gloss over things - honesty can be a big disadvantage also. A friend of mine is honest to the point of being blunt. If someone asks him "do you think I'm stupid" he will always answer "anyone who has to ask that must be". Sadly, in this day and age less people seem to appreciate honesty as seen by many people reverting to violence once they get an honest answer.

    But for you - I'll be honest and not need to cause offence. You have depression, I have it, there's millions of us out there - so many that we'd populate another nation if we could find the land. Plus, depression strikes at anyone so our new nation would be populated by all the scientists, physicists and clever boffins we need to build an infrastructure.

    We'd have a hell of a lot of musicians! Plus boxers who would soon dismiss the idea that people with depression are pushovers.

    Your sister sounds nice in that she keeps in touch with you. The worry the family have is justified as maybe your not trying to get any help and see this as unwinnable. It seems that way - but only because depression is its own cheerleaders. It's almost like a chorus of 'kill yourself, you will fail, you are no-one hey hey hey!"

    Imagine your depression was like an internet forum with messages coming up - some supportive of you - others telling you to die. Our mind is like that when depression hits and thinking about suicide - suicide ideation as the experts call it - is what you must be going through a bit.

    Depression is what you have - so maybe you ought to tell your family you want to fight it and get better. They must remember you in better days when they looked up to you. Seeing you this down - or not seeing you at all is heartbreaking for them. But, you cannot just stay alive like some zombie just to make them feel happy. You have to try and regain some of the confidence you once had catch up with you as you have evolved. Despite the depression you have grown - and maybe because of the depression it will give you an advantage when you get well again. And you can get well - and maybe start to live once more and have the opportunities to do whatever is in your heart.

    What about love also? Last thing in your mind right now - but if your GP could simply match you up with someone suitable - it might work a lot better than 20mg of whatever!

    Thing is, you want yo be OK in your own self before you think of that. Nobody wants a first date that seems suspiciously like a therapy session.

    You got to have some love in your heart, maybe fire in your belly at times. Be kind to people and help people out.

    Last but not least, be a friend to yourself - a good friend would beg you to get help so the real you can be back on the scene again.

    I'm glad you have a family who cares for you.

    Get that help!

    Best of luck and well done for holding out so long!
  5. i cant be happy......The only time im happy is when im out in deep nature .And its not even happy its more a feeling of peace within my self.
    does that even make sence?
  6. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that you feel this way, but I'm glad that it sounds like your family cares about you

    I think that getting treatment would be a good idea for you. I know that you may not like the idea of getting meds, but if you are in a place where you are really suicidal I think medication may be important.

    Can you contact your family and ask for help/ support?

    It seems like things were better for you once, and maybe they can get better again

    Do you want to talk about what happened with your ex?
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