When life seems pointless...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by MSK, Mar 7, 2011.

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  1. MSK

    MSK Member

    Does anyone else ever feel so lost. I wake up everyday wanting to do something great and yet can't even meet my own expectations of how I want to live my life. I graduated from High School early and am drifting away with all my friends; I started college in spring in an entirely different city. Since its midsemester its almost impossible to make any new connections...everyones burnt out. I had friends here, but I'm drifting away from them too. I feel selfish for feeling this way. There are plenty of people in worse situations than me, and yet its still killing(no pun intended) me that all the work I put into school just seems pointless when everyone I care about is concerned with their own lives.

    Life seems pointless. I know its normal for someone as depressed as I am to say something like this...but it's really hard to find a meaning, and I can't make my own meaning. I have moments when I think life is so pointless I just want to sleep and never wake up. What do you do when your whole world starts collapsing and the people who you thought would always be there for you, simply aren't?
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Change happens people will come and go into your life. You need to take what you can from the friendship while it is there and make new friends so new memories can be made. You sound so overwhelmed really thinking too far ahead Just take each day as it presents it self okay and learn to enjoy what is not what will be hugs
     
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I think that it is often a bad idea for people to go to college early. You can be intellectually ready to go to college, but not be ready emotionally.

    Do you know why you are drifting away from your friends at college?

    Is this the first time that you have felt suicidal?

    If you are not on meds or getting counseling, now might be a good time to check into that. There may be psych counseling at your school.

    If you really can't go on, you might be able to get an medical leave of absence.

    Do you think that your school is a good place in general?

    I wonder if you could go to a school where you felt that there was more emotional support for you.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You need to reach out okay to someone there a councillor is a good start hugs
     
  5. MSK

    MSK Member

    Not the first time. Am on Zoloft. I like the school, it's just hard to get as involved as I want to be midyear. I don't know why my friends are drifting away. The friends from my hometown, because I am so far. The friends (mainly my bestfriend) at my school for unknown reasons. It's frustrating. Starting college I think I'm mature enough for classes, but I live alone in an apartment and it's just becoming really really overwhelming. The emotional stress in High School with my situation with my parents was just as if not even more overwhelming than what I'm facing now. I'm 17 and working 2 jobs to pay for my education and it doesn't seem fair when I see most of my friends getting full support from their parents. There are just so many hurdles people have to go through before they even have the potential to become successful and what if things just get worse.
     
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i think you should go back to whoever prescribed you the zoloft and let them know that you are feeling worse, ie more suicidal. they can adjust your meds and refer you to counselling.

    it's understandable you are feeling rough. college is a stressful time and can be very lonely until you find the right group to be with. but it will def. happen. you just need to be around for the time when things turn around. hang in there.
     
  7. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    Zoloft has a really high failure rate. Try a different kind of antidepressant, like Welbutrin or Cymbalta.

    I'm in college, too. I hate it. The best I ever did with friends was when I was VP of a club. I realized more and more that I was not the same type of person as the people I typically sat with at meals. I tried going to a fraternity party and drank half of my roommate's booze, found no fun in it. I became a frequent columnist for the school newspaper, no one seemed to care except (go figure) the faculty. I thought I was doing everything right and I still couldn't fit in with any crowd. After some time, I felt downright rejected, the same way I did in elementary school, and in a miserable and depressive state I stopped going to class. I withdrew from the newspaper, and soon after that, did a medical withdrawal. Now I'm doing online classes at a local community college. Stepping into a school makes me feel sick, although I'll have to do it again at some point to finish my education.
     
  8. MSK

    MSK Member

    I think I'm just over trying to fix my life. It's not about not being social, or not liking the school; it's just fundamentally not being happy. I can be social, but that doesn't mean I have the friends I need.
    One of the most inspirational people to me, Randy Pausch once said in his "Last Lecture" (it's on youtube, the lecture before he died of cancer) "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." I think some of us just get screwed over with the cards life deals us and for that reason I feel like I'm just done trying to live a life that I don't want to live and that I dont feel will get better in a reasonable timeframe. There shouldn't be more suffering than good in your life. Life can just be such an unfair load of crap.
     
  9. Pienp

    Pienp Active Member

    Pretty much same for me, altought I didn't start using meds, I went back to work while self-medicating with alcohol.

    Now after about 6 months of work I managed to drop the alcohol consumption almost only to weekends, however no change in mood. Feel completely indifferent about the studies and I never want to go back to school, it makes me suicidal at worst. I don't like the people there at all, it was a nice 3 years waste of life pretending I like the studies and have a bright future and like the people there, altought I hated every second of it.

    Well :poo:
     
  10. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that you've had to deal with so much crap

    :(

    working two jobs and going to school and being depressed and alone is a lot to manage.

    I'm thinking about what is going on and I may have some answers for you, but I'm too tired to write tonight, I think.

    Can you give me some time to write a response?
     
  11. Chalmers

    Chalmers Well-Known Member

    One of the benefits of age is perspective. I felt alone in college, took three years off before grad school and then had my friends move away. I'm married now and a little lonely because other than my wife, I only have work friends. When I'm being honest with myself, that's partly because my interests are more solitary (ie watching tv, reading and travel). Because I'm more of a generalist I'm nit super into anything and I dont want to spend my evenings away from my son. If I had given up I would have missed the birth of my son and some amazing trips (nothing like circling Paris because you missed your exit arguing over where Joyce Kilmer is buried). You'll have bad days, but you'll also have some amazing ones too.
     
  12. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I think that life could get a lot better for you, but your depression is blinding you to how things could be better.

    Changing the meds sounds like a good idea.

    It sounds like you are a smart person. I think that you succeed in making your own life better, and also do some things that would make the world a lot better too.

    I'm sorry if I sound like I'm putting a guilt trip on you, but there are a lot of people in the world who are completely screwed. You are also suffering greatly, but if you are able to get out from under this you could also do a lot to help them too.

    I understand the feeling of not caring enough to make changes to make things better. Maybe you can take some steps to get better, small ones, do what you can?

    Adjusting the meds might be a good place to start.

    two jobs and school at the same time is way too much for anyone, especially someone who is depressed

    can you talk to a school mental health councilor or some other therapist? could you get a medical leave of absence?

    I wonder if you could withdraw from school and maybe quit one of the jobs. is it the case that the work load is a factor in your depression?

    If you finished school early I'm guessing that you've got some academic talent. There's probably a school out there that would either give you loans or a full scholarship.

    If you could live in a dorm, it would probably be a lot easier to meet people.

    I think that you can get through this and be glad that you did if you can find the will to try.

    I hope that everything works out!
     
  13. What Ever

    What Ever Active Member

    MSK, I just want to say that I went through a lot of similar stuff in college as you and rocketpop09. I was really really depressed and didn't feel like I fit in with anyone at my school. Like rocketpop09 I stopped going to classes and eventually went on medical leave from my school. A year later I went back and finally graduated. Now I will always have my degree to be proud of.

    Don't give up. You're definitely smart enough to get through college if you got in in the first place.

    My advice to you is to be open with everyone. If you show yourself to people, especially someone as smart as you people will take notice. Don't let yourself be alone and talk to all of your friends that you feel are becoming distant from you. Think about it: if you talk with them then there is no longer any distance between you and them. Problem solved! It's really as easy as that.

    I hope you are okay and wish you the best of luck at your school!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 14, 2011
  14. What Ever

    What Ever Active Member

    Also MSK, I know what you mean about feeling lost. I feel that way too all the time! I definitely have those days (sometimes it seems like everyday) when I go to sleep planning to do great things the next day and then don't do any of those things the next day. Like you, I sometimes sleep in bed all day doing nothing.

    A good way to get around this and a good way to connect with friends or make new ones is incorporate other people into your plans. If you do that then the plans will happen because the other people will be there to pick up your slack. This can apply to anything you do. If you tell someone you are going to do something then it makes it more official and gives you more of an incentive to do it. It will also help in going to classes if you talk with the people in your classes. If you have someone there that you are excited to see you'll want to be there more. The same can be true of your work.

    So in closing just remember you are not alone in this world or in your battle with depression. You have friends and tons of other people waiting to be new friends. They will help you. That's what friends do.
     
  15. MSK

    MSK Member

    I tried reaching out to friends before and it seems like I just get shutdown. It's just so frustrating when I can't even find any reassurance that I should be living. I'm getting a decent scholarship, nearly covers all of tuition but it I have to work two jobs to focus on rent and having enough for food.

    Everyone is friends with their age group and I'm friends with some seniors and sophmores...and one freshman...I'm incredibly homesick...well more townsick...I hated my home life which is why I graduated early. I can't go back because I don't have a house there anymore and it's a 2 hour drive, which ultimately would cost me $100 to make a trip, because of gas and toll.
    UGH. I like to balance things out. When the bad outweighs the good its time to call it quits. I think there are a lot more bad things that are going to stay then there are good. I just need to get the courage to quit life, which is incredibly difficult.
     
  16. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    well, you might want to talk to the financial aid people and see if they could give you loans so that you don't have to work.

    Another school might also give you a better deal, and also be a more positive environment.

    if you are two hours away, maybe there is someone at the school offering rides, maybe cheaper or free.

    stay at a friend's house?
     
  17. What Ever

    What Ever Active Member

    Confront these friends who shut you down about what they have done. If they are your friends they should hang out with you if you want them to. If for some reason they don't want to hang out with you they are not your friends. Find new ones who will hang out with you.

    I don't see the problem with hanging out with people from upper classes. Once you are out of College there won't be any of those kind of labels anyway so it doesn't really make a difference. A friend is a friend. Be happy to have the ones you do!

    It's totally understandable that you would be stressed out in your situation with two jobs on top of school. I got stressed out from just my classes alone! One thing I will say is you are totally ahead of most of the other students in your school. You are getting job experience that will help you in other future jobs and your degree will help you in that regard too. Your work, while stressful, will only lead to less stressful times in the future! You get what you give and you are giving a lot it seems.

    I hope you read this and I hope you take my suggestion regarding your friends. What I see when I read your posts is a person who is well on their way to success. Don't let the stress get the better of you. Make sure to make time for fun. It may not seem like you have a lot of it, but as long as you keep living you'll have plenty of time to have a good time!
     
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