When marking time isn't enough.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Tired John, Dec 20, 2012.

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  1. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    The nights are hellish and the days drag on. No relief in sight, things aren't going to get better, in fact they are going to get worse, much worse. The "joy of Christmas" that others feel, just reminds me that I am on the outside, not really important enough to truly be a part of it. The pain is crushing me.
     
  2. iceblue

    iceblue Well-Known Member

    Just wanted to send you a (((hug))). If you ever want to chat you are welcome to pm me.
     
  3. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    Thank you Iceblue. I feel like I'm just waiting for the right time, if that makes any sense. I don't have a future beyond a miserable life of destitution and I refuse to live that way. The nation has become Hell for too many of us and gets worse with each passing day. I'm ashamed of what we are leaving behind us.
     
  4. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    How effed up is it to have a part of myself hoping that the Mayan end of the world nonsense is true? If only.
     
  5. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    Even my timing to post here is terrible. Never seems to be anyone else sharing when I am. Christmas is looming with all of it's guilt ready to beat me to a lower, darker place. Maybe waiting is no longer an option.
     
  6. lordsalisbury

    lordsalisbury Well-Known Member

    Lol, I was thinking that today too! A little tiny part of me was thinking "hey, what if that bs is actually true and I won't have to kill myself.........."
     
  7. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    If it wasn't so damn painful to admit, it woud be funny.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 20, 2012
  8. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Well, I'm also hoping for it, believe it or not, thinking the Mayans might have worked out (unconsciously) this event that is going to coincide with the Second Coming of Christ - which will happen one day, as prophesied, - just that no one knows which day...... but today would be good! :)

    ...... and I know what you mean about how America is (due to its present gun laws and last Friday??) - I have a daughter elementary-teaching in the States - she says everyone is on high alert ....


    BUT .... so far - it's the 21st already in NZ - and I'm still here ....
     
  9. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member


    I'll set the 2nd coming thing aside, but that heartless slaughter of babies and the reaction we're hearing from the gun psychos seems to me, to be indicative of what the USA has become. A blundering bully on it's way to oblivion. We are going headlong into a living nightmare.
     
  10. white_feather

    white_feather Member

    I haven't posted in quite some time. I had been going through some junky feelings today so I came back. The biggest lifesaver for me has been a new puppy. Maybe that will help you. Never know. Try it. If not, I wish I could help and I hope all goes well with you.
     
  11. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    I was thinking this the other day. It would be a huge personal relief however I wouldn't want it to happen because I don't want billions of innocent people dying. Yeah, it would be easy for me per se, but I don't want anyone to die. I want everyone to have full happy lives. I know for me it's never going to happen, but it doesn't affect me from wanting everyone else to be happy. Of course the Mayan thing isn't going to happen. Sometimes I wish a gang banger or someone would try and take my car or something like that - just make it easy for me because I would resist. I was at the ATM the other day and these two thugs come up and I'm thinking "come on man, try and rob me." (nothing happened, they just went to another ATM). I know that's bad. Things are bad in my brain. So you are not alone, John. There's a lot of us out there.
     
  12. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    Thanks white feather, actually a very good suggestion. I have wonderful little guy, Leo, my very special French Bulldog. Most days he is my reason for living. The kind of unconditional love that comes from our furry friends is something us not so hairy apes could learn a lot from.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 21, 2012
  13. lordsalisbury

    lordsalisbury Well-Known Member

    I don't know if this is any consolation to you TJ, but you are one of the wisest mo-fos I've ever encountered posting on the internet........
     
  14. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    I am humbled, LS. Not so sure that I'm all that wise, but having you say that was indeed a huge consolation. :hug:
     
  15. J3nny

    J3nny Well-Known Member

    on the buses here they have "happy holidays" shown on a digital screen...it just makes me think of how unhappy i am compared to the happiness of the holidays
     
  16. Tired John

    Tired John Well-Known Member

    I completely understand. The Christmas specials and commercial seem only to remind us that there is something wrong with us because we don't feel the same as "they" do. I just feel guilty I can't do nice things for those I care about and love. I have nothing to give, it beats me down also.
     
  17. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    I thought I was going to be okay this Christmas but everything kind of snuck up on me and it's been a little rough. But the animal thing is a great thing. I have a few animals. I'm a huge animal lover and my pets have gotten me through tough times over the years.
     
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