it seems that I have lost some anonymity (wait, A LOT of anonymity). I think I tried to get my life together but it all fell apart so horribly. And people saw this. I miss it when nobody knew who i was. I honestly really do. Walking down the street, at school, around town, I see people that know who i am and i long for the time when i was a complete stranger to everyone. i felt so much more comfortable than now. I miss it when I felt that the world was big and anonymous. i miss the fact that those around me could look at me as a mysterious person and just wonder. Now the truth is out there. I am a sad, sad person, and i wish that nobody knew that. I think i said before that I hate sympathy. It makes me feel much much worse. i think i need a really tough critic. it may be the only thing that can help me. And on every spring-of-the moment occasion that i try to get my life together it seems that things fall apart.
I hear you on the sympathy thing. When I was 13, my mom died. I was away for a week. (wake, funeral, mourning time, ect.). When I came back, everything was the same, but it was different. Everyone knew about it because my teacher made everyone sign a card for me, so she obviously had to tell them all about it. Everyone had that look in their eyes. I hated it. I wanted it to be normal. I wasn't even sad anymore about my mother being dead. I got home that day and I beat the hell out of a punching bag we had. Tell me a bit about what you're sad about, maybe I can offer you some advice. There's not much else I can do right now except say that I can relate.
need to add to this. people say get out there and be social. THIS DOES NOT WORK. I do not want to hear about other peoples' wonderful siccesses, trips, girlfriends/boyfriends, etc. I have none of this. This makes me feel worse. And when other people realize i haven't any of it i feel i am bringing them down.
I never talked/talk to me friends about that. We just always laughed together, even about stupid things. Maybe you can find people like that? Best of luck my friend.:smile:
