When someone sees a ruined life they call it a 'train wreck.'

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by hammockmonkey, Aug 31, 2007.

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  1. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    As if the reason for this collapse was a singlular event or moment. I disagree. My mom finally talked about my grandma, this was the first time she's ever really talked about her-- and the first time I've ever considered being angry about suicide. I'm moved, not (so much), at the suicide, but rather the similarities my ma says I have to her, someone I've never meet, and who killed herself when I was 1. (I hope I'm not that cruel to my grandchildren when it comes to my turn.) There's a hole in my head that I sometimes like to stick drugs into, the hole clouds up and seems to fill. Then, as should be predicted with such a simple analogy, the hole reopens seemingly deeper then ever before.
    Cheryl, that was her name, she'd make good friends with intelligent interesting people and then destroy these relationships. She'd move and meet new people. She'd tell my mom as a little girl "don't worry if mama is not around, it's not your fault." I want to leave: my words to my ma "don't worry if your son is not around, it's not your fault." I lose friends because I'm afraid of committing to them, I lose friends when I hide behind apathy for fear of failure. Cherly tried to commit suicide a few times before. She'd learned everything she needed to say to the social worker and would simply recite it. My ma would tell them she's lying, they'd tell my ma there is 'nothing we can do. If she wants to kill herself she will.' It was never one event that did it, it took over fifty years and finally she couldn't take it anymore and off'd herself. I'm not sad, or even angry. I'm just being selfish. My sister-in-law might be carrying twins. My dad found out he has five half brothers and a half sister, I just want a huge family.
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    What Collapse do you talk about. Your not being selfish at all. Your allowed to feel and express yourself whether it's in a negative or positive way.

    It sounds like your mad, upset and sad about your grand mothers incident. Correct me if i'm wrong but since your mother said you and your grandmother are a like or have strong similarities, you feel as if you wanted to meet sher but never had the chance.
  3. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    I'm referring both to my grandma's suicide and my general state of depression, neither of these things had one triggering event.

    I would have loved to know her, I think she might have been the only member of my family that I really connected with. I always wanted a huge family as a little kid, I'm getting my wish, just much later then I would have liked. It's weird to miss someone you never knew, never really had the chance to know. I've been sort of morbidly obsessed with this thought for the past couple of weeks. Sort of sad and stupid I know, but nontheless I've been thinking about it.
  4. pisces-music-girl

    pisces-music-girl Well-Known Member

    :hug: I can relate in some way. My paternal grandmother killed herself in a sense- by being an alcoholic and falling down her basement stairs, knocking her into a coma and she never woke up before she died when I was one.

    My family tells me that when I laugh and sing I sound like her.

    I've been morbidly obssessed with hanging oneself lately, so don't feel to weird that you can't get your mind off death.

    Take care :hug:
  5. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    Oh man, I had a great post i fucke up. i'm sorry, too high and not drunk enough for this
  6. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    I just disagree with calling anything that. I object to it on the grounds that it's trendy and ridiculous sounding. It's as if they can't think of anything on their own. They could call it a plane crash or a branch in the road or bumper cars. But no! They can't even put a little imagination into it. It's always a train wreck.
  7. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    fuck you.
  8. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    Well, that's personal. :blink:
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