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When someone you respect far too much to slap thinks you can 'snap out of it'?

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Well-Known Member
Right, someone I've met recently but is becoming quite a good friend was talking to me today. I was talking about anti-depressants and telling him if he ever got depressed to never try them because they don't work. He said "I've found the best cure for depression is to give them a shake and tell them to pull themselves together".

Well that hit where it hurt especially as he knows that I'm on mood stabilizers to treat my depression!! Normally I'd probably get in an argument or go into depth detailing all the reasons why depression is not something you can just snap out of but I've just met him and don't want to seem a bit OTT o.o?

Jodi x
Whilst it doesn't warrant a slap - you can still afford to be forthright with your views and tell him that he's just wrong.

As far as meds - my advice would have been to consult a doctor should the need arise. Just because anti-depressants don't work for you - doesn't mean they never work - I can testify to this being the case.


Well-Known Member
this 'friend' obviously has never suffered depression to say something like that.
as if we wouldn't 'pull ourselves together' if we could..we don't want to be like this
I'm concerned that you're hiding your true feelings, about what he said, to be polite..
if you need to do this is the friendship worth it ?
when I'm not honest about something that upsets me it eats me alive
can you be assertive rather than agressive and tell him how you really feel? *hug*
People don't understand what they have never suffered.
Depression is one of those things.

My wife still thinks Im up to walking miles and miles at a time through the woods or up a mountain, My last back surgery ended up with some severed nerves, I cant lift the front of my foot when I walk. You dont really think about this because for most it is a normal action. If I stop thinking about it while walking, I fall.

I would however give up the use of both feet if it cleared away the depression.


Well-Known Member
Well - becoming a good friend means a trial period - in my books 2 years is good enough time to assess someone.

Well - if someone told me the old 'snap out if it' mantra - I'd assume they were quite thick actually.

Bear in mind - if you confront the guy - and he is looking to be more than a friend (pardon me if this is a little personal) - he might affect sympathy now - but always the chance he could turn later.

I mean if he changed his lifelong view - just because you spoke about it - can he really be sincere about changing? I think not.

I would not have anyone as a friend who had that view on depression.

If a woman said that - well - I'd put her on my list of women to avoid.

Sorry - but if I were you - I'd ditch this buffoon before you have to listen to more of his 'wit' and 'wisdom'

Maybe he thinks shaking abused kids is going to snap them out of it?

Seriously - think about it - I almost despair for humanity sometimes - but then I pass a mirror - I see me - and think 'At least someone is right in this sorry old world'

Granted - some of you here aint to bad also!

Well feathers - maybe I'm the hanging judge - I mean is one comment proof of any man's character?

Well - I think it is.

That one comment about shaking someone out if it - implies we have some self pity thing going on - that WE are to blame - and so on,

It takes ignorance to think that way.

Your choice though - but I have no ignorant friends.


Well-Known Member
I understand your anger at him. If I were you, I'd feel angry as well. But just remember that maybe he's never been in your situation before, which is why he can't grasp that telling people to "get over it" doesn't really work at all. Don't do as he did and say things without trying to see things from the other person's perspective. Know you're better than that :)

I had a similar experience (though it didn't hurt nearly as much as I imagine your experience did). I used to smoke semi-regularly and this friend of mine just suddenly got mad at me (when he found out I was still smoking) and said, "Just quit it already!" He said it like he was saying, "Just snap out of this phase already!" He didn't get that I had been smoking since I was 11 (I was 18 when he snapped at me) and that smoking wasn't some phase or coping mechanism--it was just something I did, like people drink alcohol. I was kind of miffed that he thought I was going through some rebellious phase because he made what I was doing sound so shallow.


Staff Alumni
Feathers if you are going to continue this relationship with this person thing you need to sit down with him and tell him just a terrrible , crippling beast that depression can become.. when servere depression hits one it takes a lot of effort just to get a little better and funcdtional.. just snap out of it so damn impossible for those affected with it.. serious talk which is one sided at first telling them your real thoughts on this..

good luck with this.. tc, Jim
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