When sorry is not enough

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Sammakko..., Feb 14, 2010.

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  1. Sammakko...

    Sammakko... Guest

    I have seen often here when people say sorry is not enough. What does that mean and is there something what to do if sorry is not enough?
     
  2. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    ive never seen it on here, but i no ppl in real life go around making people life hell, then just casually saying sorry and expecting things to be forgotten, sorry can often be over rated and used to ofetn without meanign behind it!
     
  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    it's like my sister saying last year when i was seriously on edge "sorry about that year BY THE WAY" she actually said by the way, she had so much discretion as to the depth of her sincerity y'know?
     
  4. Sammakko...

    Sammakko... Guest

    I do not actually know what btw means... I often use it like another words which I do not have a clue...

    Obviesly not anything good about btw...
     
  5. Sammakko...

    Sammakko... Guest

    I can understand it if it just "sorry" but if there is explanation or heck long one, doesen't that mean that it is real apology? I mean there is things what anything kind of apology cannot fix but saying "your apology is not enough"

    What kind of apology it should be that it is enough?

    Even I do not forgive I still accept apology as a apology.
     
  6. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Adding 'by the way' destroys any meaning or sincerity in "I am sorry"--remorse, shame, guilt, sadness, self reflection. It makes "I am sorry" meaningless. People can use 'by the way' casually, to lessen tension in conversation or whatever. But you have to know the history and my health at the time, to know that her saying BTW was such a fucking insult to injury.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 14, 2010
  7. Sammakko...

    Sammakko... Guest

    OK

    I thought btw is something like removing another subject or viewpoint or something like that.
     
  8. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    it depends what a person has done, some people think they can kill someone then just say sorry to the family and that makes things all ok again, i only accept an appology if people are truely sorry, you can always tell when someone is truely sorry, they actually mean it, and i only accept these kinds.
     
  9. Sammakko...

    Sammakko... Guest

    I cannot see apology as a way to make things ok again but it is only my opinion. Apology is also the way to say person has noticed something goes wrong even person does not know what. Maybe even just say "I see your pain" "I see I cause you pain". After apology is time to deal it for some how.. Or then it is something what never cannot deal clear. I leave violent crimes out of this subject.

    Maybe that is one reason why I cannot make friends, I cannot identify when people are genuine and when they are not. Maybe that is also reason why I never forgive things.
     
  10. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I've been in situations where a person will apologize, and then continue to do the same thing they just apologized for. I guess in some situations an apology isn't always enough because then the same action is repeated.
     
  11. Sammakko...

    Sammakko... Guest

    Actually this subject is close to me also for somehow. When I made apology I did not wait forgiveness like things are like before. That is because once again I do not forget or forgive. I made it because I knew I hurt one and I did not want to. What I wait was one could accept my apology like he accept I did not mean things going that way. It was not my intention at any point. When one says I do not mean my apology I find it very odd....

    Why my brains feels pain? Why my heart feels pain? Why I find breathing very hard when I think of it if I did not mean my apology?

    I cannot know what people feel when they say they are sorry. But it feels bad when one say you do not mean that when I do.

    Interesting information that way of apology may make it empty. Once one said "I am sorry but that is the way it is"... If he meant to say: "that is the way it is" why one said also sorry if that was without meaning? And yes I am just simple as it looks like...
     
  12. Sammakko...

    Sammakko... Guest

    So some who have got forced moves and that person repeat moves and continue drop things down from the table not mean he is sorry?
     
  13. jnine

    jnine Well-Known Member



    an apology is tricky for me, i have little trust that what people say to me means only what they say. i'm pretty sure most things people say are filled with lots of diverse meanings. When i've felt that someone saying they are sorry to me wasn't enough it was beacuse i didn't belive they actually 'saw' me at all, like thier apology was just a munch of bumbled words. When i've felt that it was a genuine apology it was because i felt a sense of recognition and respect for me.

    there are different kinds of apologies for different kinds of situations. for hurt feelings and ongoing emotional or physical hurts there aren't many ways to believe the apology after the first time. if someone keeps on hurting someone the same way time and again just saying sorry isn't ever going to be enough

    if the situation is some kind of social deal then maybe an apology can be real or maybe not

    some apologies are about the apologizer just getting away from the unpleasant thing (sorry 'bout that have a good day), some apologies are just a way of dumping guilt ("look i've said i'm sorry what more do you want") because they really don't want to have to do anything others are about the apology seeming good but actually being a way of making me the responsible person (those are easy to see they mostly have something like 'i'm sorry~BUT You were....')shifitng resposnibility off themselves

    so if Sorry wasn't isn't enough then what might be enough is an act of apology, a physical tangible act that in some way shows that you are aware of how what happened hurt the person you are apologizing to, and othertimes all that can be done is not do that same kind of thing to them again. you know something that actually demostrates respect and recognition.

    unless the thing needing an apology was for breaking a dish, loosing someones' earring, spilling grape juice on someones carpet, ect

    then look the person you are apologizing to eye to eye and say , I am so sorry for having dropped the tea cup, spilling my juice taking the earings without your permission, then clean or hire a service to clean the carpet, replace the dish or get a new pair of earrings as close in value as you can. accept resposibility for what has happened and for the resoultion of the difficulty
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 14, 2010
  14. Sammakko...

    Sammakko... Guest



    Thank you jnine for your post.

    I still do not get why some ask what more you do want if some not going to give anything...
    This is why I hate people... I thought words exist because then people can know what another mean but no, no, you have to see behind words and I do not have skills to see behind words. I am also too lazy to play games...
     
  15. Sammakko...

    Sammakko... Guest

    Only if you are sure that is part of culture and not rude...
     
  16. jnine

    jnine Well-Known Member

    you're right, polite is different in different places :smile:
     
  17. Sammakko...

    Sammakko... Guest

    And then we come to the reason when people do not mean any harm for anothers....
     
  18. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i love your post jnine you put into words what i feel about apologies. i know the difference between a sincere apology and an apology which is just there to take weight off the person saying 'i am sorry' or-- like the things you said in your post :smile:

    i love this "btw" :biggrin:

    i was thinking of the latest 'sorry' from my ex gf. it was a year after i told her i'd left her, she EVENTUALLY said 'sorry for this and 'everything else'' did i see it as sincere because of any concern for myself? no, i just thought it was like someone who had just woken up and seen her behaviour and it seemed like she was apologising to herself, rather than to me.
     
  19. Sammakko...

    Sammakko... Guest

    I feel myself really stupid when I read these... I thought apology is maded because of concern for others feelings...

    I stop thinking about apologies too, too hard to be sorry if that is never good enough, I did not know that is some competition and slave work until hurted one is pleasant...
     
  20. plates

    plates Well-Known Member


    wait a sec though, english doesn't seem to be your first language, i could be wrong though. were you talking to another fluent english speaker when you were making your apology? were you face to face, or was it through the net? all those things can influence how someone can percieve what you say and how you appear to say it. those are non verbal things.

    you sound like you had good intentions, and i feel for you cos, not many people would say sorry so fast, and not many people would have difficulty breathing because they feel so bad because of what they did which shows concern for the other. i think what you're describing sounds like a difficulty with direct language along with all the non-verbal stuff? i'm not sure, as i'm not sure what happened.

    how your friend accepted/rejected the apology could be because of so many reasons too, trust could be one of them? it mightn't have to do with language and how you phrased it. :dunno:
     
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