Watch out i feel really sick and dangerous. Do not read it. When you feel depressed often you think of suicide, but often you do not do it. When suicide is seen as something feasible, then you are in real troubles, and this is my situation. If i think about suicide i don't feel depressed, i feel cold like if i have to take a cup of water or something. I do not see suicide with cring eyes, i do not weep on myself pretending to kill myself, I see it as a possibility to remedy something that is not gonna change. Anxiety and social phobia of course i have them from ages, farmacs such as anti depressant and anti anxiety, they have ruined me, made my mind even more crazy, totally sleeping pills addicted, often I mix them with alchool, to not feel the pain. The amount of sleeping pills i take would kill a person, i'm so addicted to them, they have really a few of effect now, this is why i have to mix them. I need to take pills even to go to the bathroom sometimes, because i do not even feel like i can stand up or move. I live alone. I had a girlfriend who left me after cheating on me and humiliated, another that I was willing to like, she proved to be as the other ones i liked. I do not care who the fault is, but I know it's not good. I'm full of anger i'm scared to hurt poeple around. My job is hard, I don't have a steady job and I'm often sent in a city or in another one, I do not know if I go back, when I go back. Result, I can not even get to know people or do something more. I no longer have the concept of home and when I get home the money I've earned go to fix the things that have broken, also i have to pay caregivers for cleaning, so i can't even same money, often i lose them even if I work, even if i sleep in cheap hotels that cost 10€ at night, eating cheap food for about 4€ at day, and doing nothing else. No wife, means no family, no money, means i can't support a family, if i can't get a family, i see no point in living, this is my view. I am 32 years old now, a social trash to be thrown away, to steal money from, to be used when needed and trashed when there is no need, useless. I'm not so old, but a person of 32 years who need drugs to keep along with poeple, to handle a job, it is, at least where i live. The beautiful civilization. I do not want to kill myself, because I know that it is useless, but I'm unpredictable, and I look at suicide with feasibility. Bye.