I finally talked to my spouse yesterday. Talking to him even about small things is extremely difficult because he has held a pattern, many in fact that has proven to me that talking is ineffective but its what I'm supposed to do right? He doesn't like touch, giving it or receiving it from me. Yes me specifically. He's very affectionate with the children, plays with them constantly, hugs them ect, but doesn't do that with me at all. Two days ago I guess I crossed a line trying to hug him, wanting to be touched, I like listening to his heart beat and I feel safer in his arms, he pushed me away and stated as he likes to that he's not going anywhere. Well I fucking know that. Very short conversation there that ended in me stating that he doesn't like to be touched and he said "Sorry". So I very carefully laid out my words yesterday that it bothers me. It bothers me also that any choice or opinion I have that doesn't match his will continue in the same question over and over until I agree. These are life decisions not daily shit. I told him that not wanting to touch me or wanting me to touch him is painful. There is no rejection quite that that. I said I've already given up so much. None of what I said was hateful, I didn't raise my voice, shit I didn't even cry which is a first. And what was I met by? Silence all night. This is why it doesn't pay to talk. On the other hand my stomach didn't kill me last night so I guess it helped a little bit.