When the ones you love hurt you

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by PleaseHelpinFL, Aug 21, 2011.

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  1. PleaseHelpinFL

    PleaseHelpinFL New Member

    Hi, I'm new here but really, really need to vent and get some help.

    I am female, 32, married and have two very young children.
    I have been in this relationship for four years now.
    I just want it all to stop.
    This morning I woke up to spousal rape.
    A week and a half ago he begged me for xxx and was rough about it. I had pain and blood in my stool for 3 days after wards and almost went to the hospital but was so embarrassed. I get no pleasure from having sex with him now. None. I fake to survive. I avoid sex to survive. I am losing my mind.

    No other abuse other than maybe emotional. He teases too much. I have no friends, no job, no where to go. My own family has house guests, so they can't take me in. I am stuck. Was abused in the past as a teenager, now I feel as awful as I did way back then. Feel suicidal but, I had two kids to worry about. I don't even want a messy divorce I just never want to see his face or hear his voice ever again. I just want to leave. Go somewhere and start over.

    Somebody please, please talk to me. Help me find a shelter or place to go.
    Not sure what else to do.

    Thank you for your time,

  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Greetings to you. Welcome. :hug:

    I know you're having a rough time, and I don't know what course of action you can choose to take that could or could not benefit you. However, I would like to offer you my warmest condolences. We are thinking of you and about how your abusive husband needs to stop inflicting this intense emotional and physical pain.

    With all good wishes,

    Mr. A
  3. Amyblue

    Amyblue Member


    This is a free service that can hook you up with a shelter, food, clothing and emergency anything for you and your children. Look it up and check the county you live in. They have tollfree numbers and can help you right away. Abuse no matter what type is never ok and never to be embarrassed that its happening to you. let me know if this works.
  4. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Welcome and thank you for sharing.
    I think you already know what you must do.............. leave him.
    Often its the change that scares us so much and thats what prevents us from making those changes.
    You know you can never control him, but you can control yourself.
    I also have two young children and its them you must also look at closely.
    I know as a mother you will have fears for their emotional well being and safety and this must also apply to yourself as their guardian.
    Only when there is space to miss something can it be missed. Perhaps he will realise this and make the changes he needs to, regardless of whether this brings you back together or not.
    Our childhood shape us in a way that is inescapable and moulds the way we view relationships and lifes traumas.
    You have to look inside and try to like yourself enough to accept you don't deserve this, neither do your kids. They will grow up with a distorted view of relationships, they will see fear, tears, hate and sadness. Kids have a tough time of it as it is, without having to deal with adult emotions.
    Maybe your husband has reasons for his appaling behaviour, i dunno, and i mean reasons NOT excuses.
    My thoughts are is that he is very ill and needs some help.
    I hope you will find the strength to make those changes, you don't need any family or friends, you just need yourself and the power of your convictions, all your children need....................is you.
    One step at a time, one day at a time. Sexual abuse scars run deep, they can only be healed by forgiveness, yourself and others. Do not think they will disappear, instead use them to bring a warmth to your heart when things are better.
    Only when we have suffered heartache and pain can we hope to embrace happiness and love.
    Blaming does not heal us, letting go does.
    Shape your future tomorrow by what you do today.
    I send hope and caring to you.
    Hope can never be taken from you.................but you can easily give it away.
  5. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    Gentle hugs to you! I am so sorry you have been violated this way!

    It is cruel and what makes it so incredibly hard is that you can't run to your home, your place of safety as he's there too... so its not just what he did to you physically and emotionally - its trauma of losing someone you thought loved you and would protect you, the having to face your abuser daily, as well as the trauma of losing that one place of safety - that place we call home!

    My husband raped me too and as I was sexually abused for a long time as a child. I know how it can knock you sideways and all those terrifying feelings and memories come flooding back... just last night I slept on the sofa till 4h30 am and crept into bed and curled up on very edge of the bed so as not to wake him or give him cause to touch me...

    I don't have any amazing words of wisdom... no one can tell you what to do, I am still floundering. BUT I know it has to come from YOUR heart what You feel you can and want to do...

    AND whatever it is you choose to do... in the mean time please get help, please ring a crisis line, for your children's sake ok...
    The pain and turmoil is truly too much to bear alone. Please don't leave it too late... I did and was very nearly not here to tell the tale...

    So sending you my very best thoughts and wishes, you are not alone ok, there are so many kind and caring people on here so I hope you soon feel cared for and supported.
    Feel free to P.M. me anytime.
    Take gentle care of you and please be kind to yourself!
    Ditsy xxx
  6. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I, too, have been there.

    Try and prepare a kit for yourself containing important papers so you have it ready for whenever you need it. Contact your local womens shelter and speak with them. They can give you good advice for what to do, how to help yourself and your children. And your call will be logged, which may be beneficial for the future.

    Do not hesitate about going to the ER or your regular doctor or similar. You have nothing to be embarassed about.

    As others have said, you need not live through this and when you feel the time is right you will leave.

    Am always available if you need someone to talk with about this.

    Take care of you and your children.
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