When the Universe Turns its Back on You

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Forsaken2009, Aug 31, 2009.

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  1. Forsaken2009

    Forsaken2009 New Member

    Evening All,

    This post is not intended to be a cry for help, but rather an opportunity to just express myself to the world one last time.

    Unlike so many others who have reached this point in their lives, I have no complaints in regards to the people in my life. My family has always been loving and supportive.

    By way of a brief back story, I am a 40 year-old professional sporting an MBA and what was once a moderately successful career. This past year, however, has undone all the good that was done over the past 20 years. Courtesy of the economic downturn, I lost my job 9 months ago. We have burned through our savings and now face a greedy government that is looking to suck its citizens dry in an effort to support its egregious spending programs.

    The username selected when registering for this community speaks to my deepest feelings...I have been forsaken. I am a tireless worker who has delivered significant value on behalf of my previous employers, yet I cannot generate any interest in my services. In spite of the fact that, in my pre-2009 life, I was generous is helping out those in need, I seem to have earned no karma points. Over the past 9 months, my optimism turned to pessimism, love to hate and anger to thoughts of suicide.

    I simply cannot continue on...watching our financial world disintegrate and now my children having to do without...what a horrible and undeserved fate to have to suffer. I realize that I will likely make this more difficult for my family in the short run, but I believe that they will be better off in the long run without being connected to the fate of the forsaken.

    I've never been a religious person, but always believed that there was a benevolent force in the universe watching out for those who tried to do the right thing here on earth. Needless to say, I no longer believe in such fantasies. If, by chance, there exists such a force...I hope that I have the opportunity to kick it in the balls when I get to the other side.

    Thanks for taking a moment to listen. For many, the sun will rise tomorrow. Not for me...and that's ok.

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    well, lets see now.

    the economy sucks. you and your family have to cut back ... way back. its hard on everyone ... kids included. then ... you die. let see, the economy takes a back seat. your kids are left without a father and they spend countless hours trying to get over your death. and when things DO GET BETTER ,,,, they are still left without you.
    yeah, not a bad set up for you. you wont be there to see their faces and hear their crying.
    i know things are very difficult for everyone these days. hell, i went down 33 grand this year, just to have a job. i had to downsize to almost nothing,

    yes i had my moment in the physc ward. i have been in financial trouble for almost 4 years and theres nothing i would like to do more than to end it all.
    i tired twice... failed twice.

    you my friend, have a family and ... remember family sticks together. sit back mellow out and try to find an option
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I know the economic situation is pretty bad. I've been looking for a job for months now with no luck.

    It's got to be tough knowing that your children have to do without. But if you go through with this, then not only are they going to have to do without financially, but then they'll be without a father. That's a whole lot worse. I would take financial struggles any day over losing my father. Your family will not be better off with you gone. It's going to hurt, and that's a type of hurt that isn't going to ease with time.

    I seriously hope you reconsider.
  4. Littlewiji

    Littlewiji Well-Known Member

    Don't leave your kids behind. That would really screw their lives up. And, they'll probably have the same sort of suicidal thoughts when their lives go down the shithole, and they may just go through with it, to join their dad
  5. Forsaken2009

    Forsaken2009 New Member

    Thanks for the feedback. The irony is that I've analyzed all of the options. A father is not a father, in my book, if he cannot provide for his family. In death, I will be able to do what I have been unable to do in life...the $1.2 million insurance payout will see to that. It is for this reason that I can can check out with a smile on my face...I will have made the ultimate sacrifice for my family.
  6. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    i am sorry things are so bad for you. there are many things that make up love, caring and parentship. providing for the family in terms of ability to get a job is just a part of family life. can you recognise other things that your kids need from you other than financial security at the moment? what do you think is important to them? do you think that they wouldn't suffer horribly if you were no longer about? just food for thought :unsure: i hope that you choose to think through things more and become able to see that not only are there other equally and more important issues, but also that things can and often do change :hug:

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    are you sure your insurance will pay out for suicide ?
    well, your thought is i suppose a valid one. yea, thats cool. wish i could have a famil member die and collect some money ... who cares about anyone when you got that kinda money. why would you, money will buy what is needed to get over ANYONES death. i think more family providers should do that so their family can get money. it will be one less mouth to feed.
    who cares if the wife has to work harder than she ever has to raise the children. shes got money. whooo hooooo.

    life will be really good for your family then. course you wont be part of that family anymore. i just hope the mother doesnt fall into depression and decides to off herself and leave the kids. course, then the kids will have all the money. hell, its a win win.
    yup. its amazing what can happen when ppl leave their family. almost as bad as walking out ... except the way you want to is permanent.

    maybe you should ask what they want more ... you or money THEY MAY GET if the insurance pays for suicide.
  8. Littlewiji

    Littlewiji Well-Known Member

    I don't know how old your kids are, but I'm 14 and I can tell you that I'd rather go hungry than lose my father. Hands down. No thought.
  9. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member


    life is funny that way..I don't believe in karma points ..although I used to ,too.I recently watched a movie about a family struggling to get into housing on Christmas Eve...but in order to get in the father had to get a job..anything..on the books.I hate to give away the ending but I thought of the movie when I read your post..because the end of the movie is exactly what we all need to see..to understand.The movie is called Where God Left His Shoes. with John Leguizamo .

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    i think what we are all trying to say is, dont give up hope, find ppl to talk to in order to get a new job or some monetary help. you have kids and the will be ways. you just have to get out of your frump, get up and git er done
  11. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Money isn't everything. and I think that's a point everyone here has been trying to make.

    There are days when I just barely have enough money to scrape by. But if I had to choose between over a million dollars, or having my father alive, my choice would be to have my father alive. The people that I care about are so much more important than money. And if you did go through with this, the money would never fill that empty place in your kids' hearts, that hurt of losing you and that guilt of not being enough to keep you there.
  12. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    foresaken2009, I grew up in a household that didn't have money at all. I used to lie in my bed and cry as I listened to my parents fighting over money, knowing that I was draining their resources, knowing that I wouldn't have the chance to go to the fair with my friends again that year. I remember very clearly walking in on my mother crying one morning; she was considering giving me up for adoption because she couldn't provide any more. I was there when the repo man came and took our car and our house, and I stood in the welfare line with my parents many times so that we could have milk from the WIC check.

    But all that considered, I'd do it all over again. My family pulled through. I busted my ass in school and managed to get to college on scholarships, even though my parents couldn't help out.

    Hope is out there, and options are available. Suicide isn't setting your family up for success or happiness. Consider how much of that 1.2 million will be left after taxes . . . and after your wife moves because she can't bear to be in the same house any more . . . and how much will have to go to therapy for your children. Ask yourself again if you're setting them up for success and happiness.

    I'm sorry that you're unhappy. But this course of action isn't the one that's right.
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