When the worst happens and someone you love attacks you SI

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by jameslyons, Jun 10, 2009.

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  1. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    We all feel differently about self -injury and vary in our openness about it. Some of us have more extensive showings than others, while others keep each new scar hidden. But sure enough, almost everyone has one friend or family member that knows about our struggle with SI. Usually it's the people who see us naked, lol.

    But what do you do when somebody you love aggressively attacks you for being a self-injurer? What do you do when your old love, your good friend, or family members spits out, "I despise cutters." ?

    The answer: try to laugh it off. Cause it's absolutely ridiculous for somebody to attack you for what you do to deal with stress. The culture of "emo cutters" is one of ignorance that is prevalent among the non -SI community. The SI community that spans about 10% of Americans *Sorry no idea for UK/Europe/Africa/ etc.

    It's my theory that with one in ten children sixteen and under having a history of SI, it's important as adults to never encourage the alienation and taboo culture growing up around SI. As such, I've always been open about my own experiences with it, and plan on being open with it through my career as a teacher.

    But still, weakness and drama will always be associated with SI so long as we in the community are closed lips about it. I guess that's a bit of a rant, cause the important thing was to talk about dealing with negative responses to any trust you've given somebody regarding SI and you.

    Here's a bit of nasty email a high school sweet heart sent me once...she discovered I wasn't a virgin (seven years later) lol.:


    that in terms of friends i don't like the fact that you drink and that your a cutter! all those 3 immoral acts really killed it for me,In friends i despise drunks,cutters and other stuff that hasn't applied to you yet,but those 2 i mentioned got me pissed off about you but not for long because Im not associating with you anymore.Im very picky when it comes to friends or relationships as you could see.that's how Iam,and Ill be who I am,im not like the milk and cheerios in your spoon because Im nobody's fool and if your trying to turn me into someone else,it's easy to see im not down for that,sorry but I have a back door stronger than yours.

    Pretty harsh from somebody who you care about, no?

    Instead of taking things at face value, use dialectical reasoning to look through their statements. Question each sentence and what it means to them and to you as a person.

    Humor is a great way of looking at it. Instead of feeling anxious and panicked I remembered that 1: she was angry 2: she was emotionally hurt 3: she had no basis of understanding SI and 4: her accusations were ridiculous and said more about her than it did me.

    I responded to her with humor and a refusal to accept her condemnations as anything but spiteful hate and ignorance:

    *************************************************************************

    forgot to tell you that in terms of friends i don't like the fact that you drink

    Oh no! Honestly hearing that from you, I think back to a nun in Catholic school telling me drink is bad. LOL, Of course you don't like drinking--you can't do it. Now if you're condemning me to just women that drink appletinis while I enjoy a martini or whiskey soda, so be it, haha.

    and that your a cutter!

    OH MY GOD I forgot! Haha. So?

    all those 3 immoral acts

    Nothing as immoral as cutting your skin or having a night cap! Doesn't somebody ever think of the children!? My god how could I not have been dragged to hell yet?

    really killed it for me,In friends i despise drunks,cutters

    Yep, I'm sure those people are really bummed about not being your friend! You're like the girl stuck in Oklahoma during the 1920's. Meanwhile, there's a party going on in Greenwich Village or Provincetown and that's where all the fun people are. I'm just not really interested in your schema of a "good man."

    I am offended for all those people who self-injure that you're such a bitch about it though. Really pathetic, want to throw in some gay bashing too?



    and other stuff that hasn't applied to you yet,but those 2 i mentioned got me pissed off about you but not for long because Im not associating with you anymore

    Glad you're saving yourself from my corrupting influence, gee Officer Krupke!

    .Im very picky when it comes to friends or relationships as you could see.that's how Iam,and Ill be who I am

    That's why I find myself disgusted at you. I can't stand people who are closed minded. What a waste of life!


    ,im not like the milk and cheerios in your spoon

    .I'm so saving that phrase! What a great idiom. Haha


    because Im nobody's fool and if your trying to turn me into someone else,it's easy to see im not down for that,


    Ah I see, you're one of those people that believe your friends have to be like you, lest they actually have different life experiences, lol. You may be nobody's fool, but you are a fool if you think I have any interest in changing you.

    sorry but I have a back door stronger than yours.

    Your asshole is stronger than mine? You have a backbone stronger than mine? How's living with mom and dad?



    **************

    At the end of the day the pathetic thing isn't that I trusted this woman, it isn't that I self injure, it's not that our friendship reached this crosspoint. The big problem is that a 26 year old woman can be so judgmental and hateful toward something she doesn't understand. It's also important to remember that when you're attacked like this, it's usually the person attacking you for any reason they can think of. SI just being one of the many faults they'd like to exploit.

    I know how much pressure you can feel to SI after you're attacked, so just wanted to share with you one manner of defusing the situation: write out what they said, then you can respond to it in turn. So easy with emails too :tongue:


    Stay strong everyone.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 10, 2009
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