Sometimes you have to look at your life and figure out what options you have to survive. But when you can only see one option: death; you know it is final. The thoughts are strong, self harm is occuring, selecting/preparing the method and picking the time frame. When you are doing that you know it is over. I have struggled with suicide for too many years with several attempts. I am tired of that up and down. I am not afraid to die but more afraid of a method failing again. I have no support, I am away from old friends, I have not found a new church yet to consult a pastor, and I feel like I am not connecting on SF. Its no ones fault but my own. I have only one option.........and I must not fail.