when things go well something always knocks me back down.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by shuddertothink, Dec 19, 2010.

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  1. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    Every fucking time things start going well for me, something ALWAYS ends up happening. I am ready to just give up and accept that i am gonna always be miserable, so why bother trying anymore?

    6 or 7 months ago when i was still using drugs, i took a bunch of xanax because i was really nervous, and then my friend at the time bobby wanted me to grocery shopping with him. Well if anyone has ever abused xanax you know it makes you kinda clepto and you don't remember much. Well apparently i was looking at some cheap rings, and tried one on, and walked out with it. blah blah blah

    so just yesterday morning i get a call at 8:50am from an officer jackson, informing me that there is a warrant for my arrest. I have to go turn myself in tomorrow, and hopefully i will be able to bond out.

    I had straightened up completely since my last relapse, haven't touched anything, i don't even drink anymore, don't do anything illegal. Got help and things were going well. Now they wait THAT LONG to decide to do this over a six dollar ring i offered to pay for!

    i have been so nervous that i am physically sick, and have been slicing myself up pretty good. I cannot handle going to jail like this, so if i can't bond out i will end my life. If i go to jail like this i will "lose it", because i can't even stand being confined to a hospital.

    I guess i have been waiting for an excuse to end my life, so depending on how tomorrow goes... i have my excuse.
     
  2. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    p.s. the reason i am so nervous is this isn't my first offence. Drugs can cause you to do stupid things. So yeah i have a record. But since i got clean i am NOT the same person i was.
     
  3. jimmy88

    jimmy88 Well-Known Member

    Ya know how long your sentence would be?
     
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    wait and see how it goes in court. that's a long way off. maybe they will let you settle before it comes to jail. it's unlikely you'd go to jail over a 6 dollar ring. it costs them to much to pursue it. do you have someone to go with you, to support you through this.
     
  5. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    dunno what the sentence would be, and since it's a second offence i can't be sure.

    a long way off? i have to go tomorrow to turn myself in. and no i have nobody to go with me. i can't help but worry.
     
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i just meant tomorrow is your initial appearance. likely they will send you home. do you have a lawyer? do you need one at this stage or can you get legal aid? if you don't have a lawyer you might get duty counsel (not sure what it's called in the states, basically court appointed lawyer). i have been to court before, for something much more serious. took 7 months to go through the system, in the end i got a fine. never saw a day inside a jail cell, thank god. use tonight to call round your friends and find someone to go with you for moral support. and get a lawyer.
     
  7. beachdawg

    beachdawg Well-Known Member

    Shudder,

    Deep breath. Looking at it this way: It is a $6 ring. I seriously doubt they're going to throw the book at you. And you know what, even if they did, it's still a $6 ring. They don't even have a damn book to throw at you for such a minor offence. More like a pamphlet or something.... (trying to make you laugh here)

    Seriously, though, I really don't think they'll make a huge deal out of this. I can't believe your bond would be that much. And, you should be able to get a bondsman. Then, when you have your hearing, you'll have your lawyer. And, you'll have several more months (maybe more) of sobriety. And, you can get some character references to testify in your behalf. Nobody wants to put someone in jail over a $6 item after they've sobered up from drug abuse. I mean, you were on Xanax at the time and did something not very smart, but... it's hardly the crime of the century. The cops, police, judges, etc have bigger, more dangerous criminals to chase.
     
  8. luka

    luka Active Member

    its nothing big...6 dollar ring? seiorusly lol, its making me laugh, your gonna be fine ok? dont get too caught up in it, relax and breathe

    and life is always about surprises, things always knock you down, why do you get knocked down? so you can pick yourself back up, its abut what you do when time is rough, its when you push yourself to the limit you find out what kind of a person you really are, you can power through this, i promise you

    head up, your a champion and dont let anybody tell you otherwise :)

    please reply to update us

    -luka
     
  9. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    the only reason i was so worried was because it was the second offence, and because it was the second, i thought they'd be more harsh regardless of the price. And considering i have a record... you know? I'm gay so overreacting, and being an occasional "drama queen" comes with the territory whether i like it or not lol.

    But it's cool now, i was let go on a PR bond, and will probably get probation. So even tho i am still a lil worried, i think i will be ok now. I'm an eternal pessimist so i always ecpect the worst.
     
  10. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    thanks, i know i overreacted, but the police know me, i used to be a "menace", so i thought they were gonna be more harsh than usual. I know looking at this from the outside you can see the humor in it, but in my case i did have cause to worry. The mental state i am in right now is not good enough to handle all of this extra shit. But i admit i did overreact a little. i got released on a PR bond, and it's looking like i will most likely get probation or a HUGE fine, when it's time to go to court.

    thanks again.
     
  11. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    that's great news. i know all about overreacting! i do it all the time. that's when my friends give me a gentle reality check. i figure it's all part of being bipolar and having ptsd. i get suicidal over my dreams, for god's sake!

    anyways i was thinking of you today and wishing you well. i'm glad it went okay. phew.
     
  12. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    thanks so much dazzle
     
  13. luka

    luka Active Member

    now you didnt over react, if i was in your position, i probably wouldve jumped to conclusions :0

    your gonna do fine ok

    try doing some communtiy service itll look good on your records =]

    -luka
     
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