My wife and I have been talking on and off all day about my second infidelity (first was 7 years ago, second was 1 year ago) and in order to accurately answer some questions she had, I went through some old messages from the person. I have felt sick ever since looking at it and I honestly don't even know how I could have done what I did. I always wanted to be a respectable person, and a good man/husband/father. I can not stand the hurt that my wife is going through. I have had thoughts of suicide in the past but never an attempt. usually I will feel sorry for myself and think about it, then it will go away. However, since I read those messages today, I have not been able to get it out of my head. I don't deserve what I have and anytime I think about my life or trying to move forward I feel sick. I don't deserve to still have my wife, yet I do, and she's in constant pain. I feel like if she weren't with me, she could get some closure and move on. I'm sitting in my office right now, afraid to go home because I'm so ashamed of myself after reading my words. I can't even fathom how to behave around my wife. I feel that the only thing that is keeping me from hurting myself is my daughters. I've been reading a book about how important fathers are to daughters, and I have to be there for them. I'm worried about how much I've been thinking about hurting myself. I haven't done any work today, but locked myself in my office and just spaced out, talking myself in and out of suicide. Even when I think it's the only option, I still know I can't do it, because of my girls. I need to ask, at what point is it advised to go to a hospital? I don't want to do this. I don't want to embarrass my wife, kids, or myself. I have a very busy schedule all the time and I fear that they would make me stay for a number of days and that would just put mor stress on my situation, but I don't know if I need to or not. I'm so confused...please help And I know I'm being a baby, and I'm not acting like a man. I don't know what's wrong with me.