When to "put myself out there" again?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by mbczion, Apr 10, 2014.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. mbczion

    mbczion Well-Known Member

    Hello SF forum. Although I like this forum, I get busy and haven't logged in, let alone posted for a while. All in all, I have been navigating the post divorce world pretty well. I have moved on with my life in some ways - being as good a father to my kids when I am with them as possible, making new friends, enjoying my hobbies, getting counseling, taking care of myself in ways I had slacked off with for a while when I was married and going through my divorce (dental visits, skin doctor checkup, etc.) For the most part, I am doing ok.

    On the other hand, there are still days I feel lonely. Sometimes it's because I miss my kids when I am not with them. Sometimes it's because I see happily married families with their kids in tow. Sometimes it's because I see young couples (not married, but boyfriend and girlfriend) enjoying each other and all of a sudden having a middle aged crisis (I am 43) and wondering how I screwed up and if only I could be young again and not deal with some of the cr*p I have to deal with.

    In a nutshell, I start asking myself, "will I ever be able to find somebody to spend the rest of my life with?", "will I ever be able to give my heart to somebody again?", "will I ever be able to bring myself to date, let alone get married again?" Sure, I have my kids, but they will be all grown up before I know it and have lives (and hopefully families of their own). It will not be their job to "keep my company", although I hope we remain close even when they are all grown up with lives of their own. I DO want to meet that somebody to spend the rest of my life (not just 12 years) with. But, I am scared. The thought of going through another divorce frightens me. The thought of being betrayed again frightens me. The thought of my world crashing down on me again frightens me.

    When/do I "put myself out there" again?

    Thanks for reading....
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    It sounds like you've been through a rough time with the divorce, and I'm glad to hear that you are out and doing things again. Sounds like you're doing a great job being a dad in the aftermath of the divorce. :)

    Have you been able to reflect on your marriage and forgive your ex and yourself? Have the tumultuous feelings from the divorce settled down now? If you can say yes to those questions, you're probably able to go out and not talk non-stop about your marriage that didn't work. That's a good thing. :)

    If you are ready, perhaps play the field for a while before dating one person exclusively. Have some fun "dates" and try new activities - see how different people respond to the same activity. What response do you like best? What personal qualities do they have that you really like/dislike? You're not likely marrying anyone after just a few dates, but dating seems to be how we get to know people. And if a date is bombing, it's good that a date is not a life-long commitment...just a few hours. If it goes well, maybe ask her out again. If it doesn't go well, you don't owe her anything.

    It seems to me that you're feeling you could use some company again. If you feel ready, maybe it's time to go for it! :)
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.